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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: E who wrote (32915)	3/20/1999 10:46:00 PM
From: nihil	Respond to of 108807

Temporary sterilization is all that is needed, i.e. contraception. Removable implanted pellets work reliably for females. The problem with sterilization is very much like the death penalty, many forms are irreversible. (All of the forms of death penalty are irreversible). This whole discussion of sexual activity for the disabled or people who cannot maintain themselves or children has been conducted with real humanity, I think. There are real problems, here. But lets generalize. There are 1.5 million people imprisoned only a few of whom are permitted conjugal visits, yet with few exceptions, homosexuality is tolerated or even implicitly promoted. Thousands of people are raped every year and no one seems to give a damn. There are millions of underage children who are refused the right to engage in sexual activity. There are states where sodomy is outlawed, and the state criminalizes sexual expression. There is no question that sexual expression must be reconceptualized. As a question of natural law, it seems obvious that each person as an animal has the natural rights to express himself or herself sexually. Society is an unnatural, conscious creation of people, and when it imposes limitations on natural expression, it must be very careful not to destroy the people who created it and for whose welfare it was created. When sexual expression seriously injures society, then society, it seems to me, if it has a right to exist at all (is itself legitimate), has a right to control or limit self-expression in the least restrictive fashion that it may. Thus rape is the quintessential violation in which one person (the rapist's) self-expression violates another rights to autonomy. Some societies (Hmong) have institutionalized rape and kidnapping, and when practiced in South East Asian Highlands where they were autonomous could be tolerated by the world's ignorance. In Detroit, they must abandon this practice or be crushed by the larger self-ruling society. In parts of Africa, young girls are subjected to genital multilation for reasons that appear wrong or ridiculous to almost everyone else. When people with these customs attempt to practice them somewhere else, they must be stopped by the disapproving more powerful larger society. In some groups in Australia boys are subjected to genital mutilation. Many middle eastern societies practice involuntary infant male circumcision, a practice which has spread to much of the US and other so-called modern societies. There are still societies where virginity is so highly prized that surgical reconstruction of the hymen has become an important operation. There are societies in which the bride is initiated into sex by someone other than the groom. There are societies where boys and girls are encouraged to engage in sex and others where boys are forced to fellate adult males. There are societies where brothers are shared by women, and others where men may have hundreds of wives and concubines. Anyone who thinks there is a natural, correct, or proper set of rules governing sex sex should think again. And as the peoples of the world is thrown into closer contact with itself, we need to think of a set of human rules that will permit people of all different cultures to live in the same places. It may be that some cities will insist on rules that in effect prohibit certain groups from living there. The whole question of polygamy in the U.S. is an example. I believe that the laws of Hawaii, for instance, by authenticating foreign marriage, override the definition of marriage as being of one man and one woman. I believe an appropriately overseas married polygamist (Saudi Arabia?) would win a suit permitting plural marriage. I believe that fully voluntary (act not status) sexual relations are the most gratifying things that people can do. I think that contraception and disease provention can eliminate unfortunate physical side effects in most instances. (I also think we need an ethic of full disclosure between sexual partners, enforced by legal sanctions if voluntary compliance doesn't work). I think we need some different formulated ethics of sexuality. I think two people who plan to marry should discuss the consequences of infidelity. If one confesses that he (or she) may have affairs, a person who demands complete fidelity should not marry him or her. The one who is already unfaithful in his mind would be a fool to marry one who demands fidelity. I am always interested when two adulterous friends marry and then are shocked when one has an affair. Those who admit they cannot be trusted to be faithful and marry anyway, need some standards for behavior and some reconciliation ritual and standards of truthfulness and disclosure. Leaving everything to lies and chance causes an immense amount of misery and crime. The problem of jealousy and the demand for ownership of sexual rights in another person seems so artificial to me, that I wonder if we should not try to train ourselves to accept that our lovers cannot be counted on automatically to be lifelong. If one wants lifelong love with complete sexual ownership, I think he must make that his most important goal, and subordinate everything else in life to that. One should remove himself from temptation and exposure to attractive, available partners. In otherwords, one must abandon modern life with all of its variety and richness. Alternatively, I think two lovers need to be completely honest with each other -- tell everything about themselves the good and the bad -- develop a sympathy with the imperfection of one's lover (and oneself) and the limitations that each of us demands of another. It may not be possible. It may be that two people's egos are inherently so private and powerful that they cannot disclose their inmost thoughts and still remain in love. But I am certain that the knowledge (I do not say the sight) of a lover engaged in sexual acts with others need not interfere with a lifelong love. Exclusivity in sex is not very likely today. I think searching for a partner who has never had sex is likely to be a lonely quest. Personally, I like to know about my lover's loves if she will say, especially if she is having them while we are in love. I don't find it unusual or bad that one loves someone else than me. Whenever we learn to control our reactions to our own sexuality, we may be better at understanding and tolerating other people in love. I'll admit that helping institutionalized people masturbate would not be my favorite job, but I believe its desirable therapy and should be done. I will say this. Ordinarily, its considered bad medical practice to have a close personal relationship with a patient. Part of this is that the therapist needs to protect herself against pain and loss. The other reason is to protect the patient's autonomy. I like being loved. When I was very sick and a nurse volutarily and unasked went far beyond her duty to give me this kind of therapy I was immensely proud of the whole profession. I like to think there was an element of choice there. I think that in the Canadian situation it is absurd to expect nurses to do that duty, but there are specialists who would be more appropriate and happy to do the work. They should promote regular relationships. Men and prostitutes often develop love that is in no real way inferior to noncommercial love. Prostitutes are real people too. Many of them would be happy to help people who needed them as much as many of these patients do. There would also be volunteers from many other people as well.