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Pastimes : Short Stories - 50 words or less -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Yorikke who wrote (300)	4/17/1999 1:12:00 AM
From: Kid Rock	Respond to of 2633

SS50 wol Year 1 Review Part I __________________________________________________ He wrote"NRP". Inspired by the same program, she knew he meant "NPR". Inspiration was brief, her life went on...silence. "Wait for the right moment, one without mistakes." Abruptly, she cracked her resistance. She chose to risk, to name her desire. I want to write. (46 words)...mitzi __________________________________________________ A Fowl Story Bad man comes on Silicon Investor and touts silly stock. Chicken man says "hey you're a paid shill". Bad man says I will sue. Jill gets worried and kicks Chicken man off. Jill gets many angry emails so kicks bad man off too. Chicken man becomes new Silicon Investor martyr. purething __________________________________________________ Loch Ness Green hills, dark blue lake, a man, his dog, a Scottie, walking. Ripples, a gleaming back breaking. A shout. A bark. Croatia Black street, sniper aiming, child, miss. Green forest child walking, wolf beside, brothers. Florida Bright sunlight, mica panel, safe journey. Love talking, bright telling. Fifty words. __________________________________________________ It was strange, they came in the night, in the day intruding upon their surroundings, all colors, shapes and sizes. Some laughing, some crying but, all wanting to tell a story. Would they be loved, hated or feared?. They lie waiting patiently, their patience is infinite, their time will come! __________________________________________________ Johnny's Market Sitting by the car, the small boy sighed. Was his mother coming? Hot sun. Doors locked. Hungry. Snow cones near by - sweet, juicy. Fifty cents. Rustling brown bags, groceries. "Mom, can I borrow a quarter?" "I spent all my money on food already. Let's go." Disappointment. No anger __________________________________________________ Ode to James T. Flynn James knew his God, as none before him. His non-normalcy did not go without notice. He posted around here with creativity and abandon. Jill, the switchyard foreperson switched the tracks. The SI Express roared through the yard. Oooowieeeee gooey. James' posts know their God. Where's James? __________________________________________________ We can change our world with words. Fifty steps to coerce materialization. Early morning light.. Stirring footsteps from above, getting quicker louder, as our house awakes. My second coffee, no early classes today, cigarette's in spite of sniffles. It's not relaxing, waiting, less done each day as expectancy grows. __________________________________________________ Teaching Trees to Smoke Cigarettes ------------------------------------ "The big Redwood over by the picnic table said he didn't want menthol. So I gave him Lucky Strikes. Is that allowed?" "Filtered?" "Yeah". Biff Stalin frowned and shook his head. "Kid, you've got a lot to learn about teaching trees to smoke cigarettes." __________________________________________________ She was contentedly munching on her trailmix, when she heard a cry of desperation from the hot, fiery valley. Snakelike the plastic slithered down the smoky mountainside, lifting him. Opening his eyes, he exclaimed, "No it can't be"! "Plastic Woman"??? She grinned sheepishly, refolding the plastic sleeve of credit cards... __________________________________________________ It was a shark that got the Fishin Fool. Took of his head and left his girl friend to scream. He was gone without a trace, though we looked. And she, frightened and beautiful, ended up in my bed fleeing nightmares through frantic sex I can never forget. He was a friend but I forgive the shark. __________________________________________________ They chased the schools and caught plenty fish. Heading home the engine stopped. When the cord broke they executed the outboard with a sledge hammer. Three days hard rowing and near death brought them home to village laughter and derision when a young boy held up their empty gas tank. __________________________________________________ The boy found his father murdered in the mountain plantation. Thieves. Going home he swore revenge. They sold the taro for beer and partied. He heard, listened and confirmed. He took each head with a bush knife as they peed; then dragged the basket of 'taro' to the police station. __________________________________________________ The police didn't get the heads. Warunda would know how to shrink the heads so they could be strung and displayed. The family "plantation" was a glorious description for a tough life. The closeness of the forest was good, safety after the violent day. The straw basket was heavy, it leaked. __________________________________________________ Heads to shrink. Sacred rites to perform. In the sweaty dark night chants accompanied the cutting of flesh; the scooping of brains. The wizened old man honoured son and grandson; tasting the knowledge of enemies. The boy refrained, hating the heads, knowing Kuru. . . . . . . .................................. (This need not be here but it may make the final line clearer) Kuru: Mad Cow like disease found in the Papuan uplands among those whose diet is rather eclectic __________________________________________________ How It Went: by taxikid In the beginning, it started. Everything happened,until the end. taxi please nominate me..... __________________________________________________ Tires squeeled as he slammed on his brakes.... too late. Metal crunches on metal, and the last thought that goes thru his head before his head goes thru the windshield is... "Good thing I wore my clean underwear". __________________________________________________ It is morning and the dream of the night before puzzles her sleep- clouded mind. Why were the cats devils, and who was the little girl with devil's voice and pink painted lips? Why did the cats multiply, and bite her, and why does she still dream of alcohol and food as unconquerable foes after all these years? __________________________________________________ It's a bird, its a plane, NO, its Jungle Jinx!! "Hey buddy", he whispered furtively, hanging upside down from a knotty vine, "I know a place just down the trail a piece, where you can get those heavy, heads shrunk, cheap like". "A Head Of Their Time" __________________________________________________ In the morning heads were out of sight, being smoked. The old man told the boy "Now you will have your enemies with you always, so keep your knife sharp." Warunda told the boy his destiny lay elsewhere. You'll follow the yellow chia bird, it will lead you to a new life. __________________________________________________ Three days to death. The yuppie saved and invested in all those stocks, all that money, The doctor has three days to death to spend it all. Run more tests on the computer. The brain's not dead till it's dead. Microsoft claims another victim from beta software. __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ beta beada better No heads, no second thoughts No time for that I've got just a few minutes To taste every flavour in the universe Going under.....I love life! Over and out. __________________________________________________ A true story: i sent you a big email. delete it and grab the next one.. or flame my tuckis.. if you will.. in 50 words or less... BAWWWK taxi __________________________________________________ Another True Story... "Never again!" she told herself. Then his remorse, pleading, "I promise, never again." She stayed. Tonight, she smelled his anger. She remembered. His fury. Her fear. The front door slammed, "Honey?!!" She remembered, this time she remembered! The back door slammed. She breathed deeply; she ran and ran and ran.... __________________________________________________ Jinx, you moron, you got it wrong again!! Can't you ever do anything right, she exclaimed, looking downright delectable in her sequined loincloth. It should be, "A Head For A Dime" A strange red glow emanated through the trees..... __________________________________________________ He dumped himself into the armchair and ignoring the wads of stuffing spilling from the cat-claw tears he reached to the floor for beer to pour past unshaven cheeks. No beer. No cats. No woman. Nothing to beat. Alone, he might have looked inward. But not tonight. Not any night. __________________________________________________ His unshaven chin sunk to his chest, the beer can slipped from his hand, spilling its golden contents on the orange shag carpet.. Standing before him in her sequined loincloth, a vision of beauty, she said gently, "don't sit here feeling sorry for yourself, the jungle is really "swinging" tonight.... __________________________________________________ She began undulating. Eyelids heavy in drunken stupor, he watched the dance that crosses all cultures and times. ''Why can't it really be like this?'' he whined half aloud. The red white and blue lights of the police car -- he momentarily thought disco ballroom -- melted Salome into the faded wallpaper. __________________________________________________ Her image fades into the dirty wallpaper, her voice coils around him, he strains to hear the words falling around him. "I am Woman. Slowly, Softly, I draw away the veil and invite you into my world, the unveiling removes a barrier and brings us together". Stop that damn whining!! __________________________________________________ Thankfully, I slip along the sandy bottom, glad to have reached a place of peace and safety. Bruised, battered, I begin the rituals, our ancient species must be preserved at any cost. Nothing else matters now, the courtship dance begins in earnest.. Our Life Force ends and begins renewed..... __________________________________________________ Okay, Carol. Okay. He ignores the opiate-soaked atmosphere and focuses on the soft, inviting flesh before him. Years of abuse to body and mind wash away like dust on the banks of a swollen river. This is no sweet coupling. Feeding inch after relentless inch into her, they begin moving as one. __________________________________________________ The jungle drums beat faster and faster, whipping the feeding into a frenzy. Salome, wearing a delightful gold gossamer loincloth, specially designed for formal occasions, held up her hand, silence fell on her exhausted minions. She exclaimed furiously, "Jinx, you damn idiot, don't feed the damn croc my pet snakes".......... __________________________________________________ Words are lies and truth. The only option is to speak or don't speak. For every word that is spoken, there are listeners. Are we to depend upon the speakers to tell the truth ? Being quiet accomplishes little, being loud a little more, being heard more yet, listening does the most. __________________________________________________ She exclaimed furiously, "Jinx, you damn idiot, don't feed the damn croc my pet snakes".......... The Lady Croc smiles and munches on yet another pet snake....and remarks... "Ah, but they're THE BEST, Jerry, THE BEST!!" ... ;-}> __________________________________________________ Salome looked hard at the Croc, "my god, she's smiling" she exclaimed. What a creature?? Jinx honey, never mind what I said, give her more until she's nice and fat. Just look at the grain and texture of her skin, Mmmm, what a beautiful loincloth it will make....... __________________________________________________ "Young Sire, are you being cheeky again"? Salome grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the riverbank, She said, "Be careful, because by the look on her snout, she will eat just about anything"..... __________________________________________________ In the heat of the office she plans her revenge. Hatred is a hot, savory drink, but too rich. She wishes that instead of revenge she could reverse time, and undo the rent fabric of the universe. What is justice, and who was she to interpret it? __________________________________________________ With growing nervousness, Sire looked at the smiling Lady Croc as she munched on yet another salted, mixed snake and said: "My what big teeth you have.....". Lady Croc paused momentarily and replied... "The better to eat you with my dear...Hmmmm???".. ;-}> (Note: just a little postmodernist poaching from "Little Red Riding Hood") __________________________________________________ ...but just as he takes the first bite of the succulent grapes, Sire slips and falls into the river with a great splash. Lady Croc, mindful of her own peril, nonetheless comes to the aid of the young fella who is now in danger of being torn to pieces by the large school of piranhas which hang around looking for tasty morsels of the crocodile's leftover lunch... __________________________________________________ Sire, soaking wet, still has a firm grip on the grape vine, he lucked and tosses as many grapes as he could into the water. The piranha gulped down the grapes, and now have a bad case of diarrhea, taking advantage of this, Sire pulled himself back to the safety of the river bank....... __________________________________________________ The commotion caused by Sire's misadventure distracts the hunter momentarily. The Lady Croc slips silently beneath the bow of the canoe then heaves her mighty tail to flip it. The hunter now becomes lunch for the angry piranhas... __________________________________________________ Sire, didn't notice the demise of the hunter as he was filling his face full of grapes. Sometime later Sire hears "You Whoooo" Sire, can I cross the river and eat some ofthose grapes too? Sire looked and it was Lady Carol "The Unicorn"........ __________________________________________________ The Couple So Happy They Baked Themselves Into a Pie ---------------------------------------------------------- Jim had Wendy and Wendy had Jim and everything else was an intrusion. But whoever had idea that the solution was to bake themselves into a large 14 foot pie, well, it's safe to say it wasn't their best idea. __________________________________________________ They chased schools over the horizon losing blue mountains in inky seas. Turning home, overloaded, racing following seas, the stern slipped gently under a swell, swamping the boat. The problem was the bloody catch. One fled with a gas can. The others chose pride; paying the sea's silent toll. __________________________________________________ Sofie She was no longer a young transvestite. Her boyish features giving way to mannish thickness. Losing herself, she despaired and drank and fought in the bars. The whores finally tired of her and cast her out. She died young, used up, in a viscous rock fight against old friends. __________________________________________________ They fled to the church in twos and threes. They feared death; looked to God. The pastor fed them, ran out of food, grew disturbed at the mess fear made. To save the church he revealed them; was horrified when they were not marched out, but slaughtered at the alter. __________________________________________________ Buy low, sell high. That's the ticket! So that's what he did. Buy AFTY 300 1.625, sell AFTY 2.25, buy more, sell more, buy more, what? What happened to the price? buy more on falling... buy more on falling... Oh, Crap! NO bottom! SELL! SELL! SELL! __________________________________________________ "Just escaped Jail" he said. "Really? Nice knife...." I smiled. "Big huh? JIM BOWIE kind! No?" "Yea, Jim Bowie. For sure." "Not goin back." "Understand." "You like drink?" "Well......." "Got to drink!" "Ahh-Cheers..". "Go back Monday.. Drink. Fight first! We just drink!" "Its a plan.. My shout, No?" __________________________________________________ Manager Trainee "That man's no good" "He's ok. Just nasty." "Tomorrow he no more NASTY." "What!" "Kill em for you brah." "Nah don't bother. Kill em an you fired!" "Ok jus go break his legs." "Don't break nothin". "Burn his house..." "NO!" "OK! jes throw rocks..." "Moki, this is NOT management..." __________________________________________________ Suckers "PVF...what's that?" "It's the sweetest deal on the VSE, man...get with it!" "What do they got?" "Whatever ya want" "How high can it go?" "How many fingers ya got?" "How low can it go?" "Gotta go pick some apples...see ya later!" __________________________________________________ "It's really quite lovely." "I thought you'd like it" "Oh, I do. I do." "So what's with Anton these days?" "Sheila won't have anything to do with him." "Can you blame her, after the way he acted?" "She started it after all!" "Not much to say for fifth generation clones." __________________________________________________ "This is a crisis? I was expecting something more interesting." "What do you mean? The halls are full of security guards! You can't go anywhere without i.d.!" "No different from where I used to work." "Where in hell was that?" "There, one was questioned all the time on one's identification, until eventually one believed one's identification was all that mattered." "But it does, doesn't it?" "Not to me. Not until then." __________________________________________________ Dalt viewed the room with jaundiced eyes. "Mackay? The surprise... its the chair? The table? The floor maybe" Mackay's silence haunted Dalt - he took his seat. Lapping up the pork loins, corn and coffee like a hungry dog his eyes darting anxiously about. Dalt slumped over. Mackay checked the time. __________________________________________________ "Then, When? Er, ah, that is...When is or was then?" "Don't ask what you don't want to hear." "What's that supposed to mean?" "You know." "No, really! I really don't know!" "Well think about it and you will." "Oh?" "Yeah, oh. It's only the beginning." "Of what?" "Think man! Open your eyes." "To what? Ohhhhhhhh!" __________________________________________________ He'd hobble in, and sit catching his breath while the girl got beers. She'd bib him and lift the glass to his shaking lips. He was always nasty to her. When he died and she came over and screwed me all day long. Refused to go to the funeral. __________________________________________________ Black Steel stared her down - hands snatched at fives and tens. 26 years knew no terror like this, would it be over before it started? Why this shift? Money's all gone, next? "Leave", she pleaded in her thoughts. They turned but he turned again. Smoke hung in the air. __________________________________________________ He hand was unsteady. 80 sleepless hours does that to a person. One false move and he'll sleep forever. The bottle's rim had just about cleared the beaker lip inside the glass enclosure. The watery liquid starts to flow, slowly, carefully. Suddenly a shot rings out! His hand causes the liquid to splash! A bright flash...ahhhh....sleep... __________________________________________________ The Bank Robbery Wildly, we careened, franticly finding nothing but darkness, ever further gone, gone as our souls had left this weepy night for what we had done. The money was good, the getaway bad. 300 horses had nothing on them, and we were done. I will repent, I will repent, I hope. __________________________________________________ 300 hundred horses with nothing on them! A sight for the old poets, the Greek ones; War and death and glory. All this for a robbery we had planned, too well. We couldn't change it for a mere security guard... __________________________________________________ BASEBALL As Han rushed into the officers club, the sound of a cracking bat and cheer was the first thing he heard. Eleven men sat around the TV, excited, sweating, unaware. Had he waited 5 more seconds before pulling the detonator, the young Vietnamese boy would have seen his first grandslam. __________________________________________________ Sweat splattered the panel; Clark glared at the clock on the wall. None left on this side who knows if any over there. Provisions for a life time; the button depressed. Col. Clark was more alone now than ever he might have imagined - the remaining MIRV site had initiated retribution. __________________________________________________ Filo Simona, drunk and nasty, beat his wife when dinner was late. He slapped the child, and knocked the cat on the head. Nothing was said when Filo grabbed the beer bottle of Gramoxone instead of Soy Sauce. It took him a very long time to die. __________________________________________________ The Color of Honor. Flesh was peeled a stamp's worth at a time - could he hold till he died. Fifty men depended on it. Then fingers snapped and electrodes were applied, training hadn't prepared for this - fifty men, fifty states. His screams were his anthem. The ground under his feet turned crimson. __________________________________________________ The Dead Pool Quietly, slowly, the somber figure scratches out names to paper. Famous people all; elderly, reckless, sickly: all candidates for his list. Pausing thoughtfully he sets down pen and paper and slowly draws a revolver from his pocket. Placing the gun to his temple, he thinks, "That's one down." -jsc __________________________________________________ What to do, what to do? Jake's spirit burned within his breast. PETA would save a rat before saving a child! A month or so later there was an accident - a car collided with a deer. Man and beast were near death. The bumper sticker read PETA. Jake smiled, "what to do...., what to do?". __________________________________________________ The "Wet" Nurse Although Claudia had been assigned duty to the prince recently, she knew his chamber well. The white towel was in the corner as usual. Absconding with the fresh semen, the 10 minute helicopter ride to the lab was the final step to securing the first African heir to the throne. royal.gov.uk __________________________________________________ The helicopter blades were still spinning when Claudia trotted the sample to Dr. Fromm's lab. The scientist eyed the little vial of white mucous briefly before taking it to the microscope focussed on the ova. As the doctor leaned over the scope, and began microinjection, Claudia wondered if she had done the right thing. __________________________________________________ Upon reflection," hmm...in nine months...the baby's blood analysis will become public. The queen Mum will fall over dead and all of England will clamor at what will surely be the scandal of the century. Yes...it was worth while". "That pompous Charles has it coming", she smiled. __________________________________________________ Ripple As God experimented with the black hole, something went wrong. The impact was universal. Fractal elements of every entity of existence were changed for every dimension. The boolean switch that lies within every piece of matter was reversed. Good became evil. Evil good. Some noticed. Some didn't. __________________________________________________ AH.... From the window of Heaven, where they watch, God smiles at His non-committed Son's face, as they both silently agree perhaps young Thomas might be catching on... Together they conspire. Thomas' eyes are barely opening; too much light would blind him immediately. Best to first send another clue: (to be continued) __________________________________________________ "Wedding Day" Whirlwind day. The bride nervous, the groom playing golf. Ceremony perfect. In route to reception, wedding party to drive-in beer distributor. They get a case. Reception delightful. Newlyweds leave. Hungry for food and each other. McDonald's drive-thru solves their hunger for food. Wedding night breathless, they feed each others passions. __________________________________________________ ~~~~Among My College Memories!~~~~ Where could that book be? Knowing it has to be here somewhere. The search begins. So many forgotten memories; college id, first lease, grade transcripts, photo albums, record albums, love letters, phone bills, bridal magazines .Finally, after a long walk down memory lane. Here is the book: Practical English Handbook. __________________________________________________ Practical English Handbook. That'll do! After the council convenes and finds you innocent of all charges I think you should condense the love letters to 50 words and post them. Frankly in this case I would set aside all rules (if I were king) and allow the complete and unedited article.

To: Yorikke who wrote (300)	4/17/1999 1:36:00 AM
From: Kid Rock	Respond to of 2633

SS50 wol Year 1 Review Part II __________________________________________________ The Girl of His Dreams What raw emotion plunges the heart beneath floods of joy and passion beyond description? His face pressed against her cheek heralding an unending age of bliss. Answers to every desire matched completely his dreams; she loved as much as she was loved. But, disturbed by a noise.....he woke up. __________________________________________________ Outward Bound Calmness and innumerable stars against a darkened canvas accompanied Alishia's solitude. Earth captured her attention; why not disable the receiver? She was hurling thousands of miles from safety and its whited shell was swallowed by the blackness of space. Turning now she stared into the blue skies of home. __________________________________________________ ~~~Dogs: City, Suburban, and Country~~~ When we lived in the city, few people had dogs.Then moving to the suburbs, many people had dogs. All well taken care of by the Veterinarian. Country dogs are not so fortunate, when they get sick. They are taken care of in the woods: THE GUN SHOT RANG OUT. __________________________________________________ The Critic The stranger sat in back, invited. "Webster's" and "Chicago Manual of Style" in hand. The play had passion; he scowled. The play had urgency; he frowned. The play was unique; he griped. The play, my play, was over and yet he did not clap. So I stabbed him. No offense. __________________________________________________ The Stock Trader Clearly, profit is the motive, earnestly, the trader tries... Highs, lows, determine entry points, no doubt, they are all important in pursuing glory in the daily market battles. As the trader ventures in these market jungles, only the disciplined will survive and succeed. Others surely, will suffer prompt capital punishment. Z. __________________________________________________ The Affair. Paraphrased He was married and having an affair. Overcome by passions one day, they fled to her place. After long, passionate sex, he asked her to rub his shoes in the grass and dirt outside. "Why?" She queried. Later, he confessed the affair. She looked down. "Liar, you've been golfing!" __________________________________________________ The Wheel It's not often you get a chance at a sure thing. When you do, you have to make the most of it, right? Would you pass up easy money? A lifetime of chips, stacked majestically on red. The silver sphere finally stops, but the wheel continues to turn. -jsc __________________________________________________ Fishing The panhandlers were now appearing in his dreams, dirty, hungry. Why were they so hungry? Wasn't there a way to survive other than begging? The line jumped. Awakening from his daydream, he reeled in the 2 pound jacksmelt. His first catch fed the man next to him on the pier. __________________________________________________ T.V. Dinner Looking down between his legs, the shock of a bright orange penis lasted only a moment. It all made sense. Standing up and brushing off the small rigid crumbs of Cheetos, Abe walked to the VCR and placed his best porno back in its case. __________________________________________________ The flask, suddenly possessed of a will of its own, danced on the man's fingertips and then, in an agonizing slow moment, fell to the tiles below. The man's heart almost stopped. It would have been a mercy if it had. They found the researcher's confession days before the dying began. __________________________________________________ Last Set Heavy waves whumped the shore and dared him. Cold water shocked as breakers pounded over. Fear rose as air became critical. His slow motion counterpoint to a mad set. Outside the break, heart racing and panting he heard a young local say "Tink Da old Bugga gonna die!" __________________________________________________ Caveman The mastadon was now dead. Testosterone oozing from every pore, Ug found the isolated cave. Abstinence was a virtue he had not acquired. Bah was lying there in fatal pain. Ganggreen encroaching, the remaining stump of her leg had finally stopped bleeding. Without hesitation he entered the deep damp chasm. __________________________________________________ Peering at Jennifer,as always, from afar. She, across the green, waiting, watching. The night to conceal his desire to touch her, the books the tightness in his trowsers. She turns abruptly,his homework to the grass. Her piercing gaze, spellbound he must answer the truth. "You're Dick?" Astonished,"Yes." __________________________________________________ Goliath's Ghost They came from the desert, saying God wanted them to take our land. I was big, so I put on armor and waved a spear around. I got a rock in my face and a sword across my neck. I've watched this place ever since, and nothing changes. __________________________________________________ In Her Small, Unheated Cellar In her small, unheated cellar, we had never seen more than a half-million airplanes. Soon after the gas clouds had cleared, we left and built a small web-based custom-made comb and brush distributorship we called "Mindy's". __________________________________________________ EXPLANATION Herb was fifty when his mother told him the truth. "Your birth," she said, patting her stomach, "was caesarian." Herb stood up, but his legs wobbled. "My gosh," he said, "that explains so much." He kissed his mother good-bye, and once again left her house through the window. __________________________________________________ AMERICANS KNOW THE MOVIES Veronica felt a chill as she slid off her panties. Her window, she saw, was opening. Through it then came George. "What in the world..." she said. "A man enters through a door, we've got nothing," said George. "But if he enters through a window-- we've got a situation." __________________________________________________ (last in the w. trilogy) THE BIRTH OF EXISTENTIALISM Marshall pushed the door open hard so it rattled the pictures on the walls. His wife lay in bed, indifferent. The window was ajar. Marshall tried the closet door; inside-- was Pascal. "And why are you here?" Marshall asked, the storm gathering. "Ah," said Pascal, "I have to be somewhere." __________________________________________________ Dumb Luck Fred walked down the street, kicking trash from the gutter. The $100 dollar bill escaped his attention. His vision wasn't blurred from vodka, but from 3 days of not eating. When his foot landed on the bill, Fred looked down, and sighed at the sight of his urine stained socks. __________________________________________________ Unauthorized Sequel to Thomas A. Simpson's "Dumb Luck" Fred's sigh, though a weak one, for even a hearty sigh is beyond the strength of a starving man, caught the startled attention of the pretty young lady who was passing by at the moment of its utterance. She stopped, stared fixedly at Fred with her kind blue eyes, and whispered softly, "Fred, honey? Is that you?" __________________________________________________ Unauthorized (and off-the-cuff) Sequel to an Unauthorized Sequel Fred looked up, dumbfounded. He'd never seen her before, unless he'd been too drunk to remember. Unlikely, even for him. Desperation thrust doubt aside. "Oh my God!", he gasped, "I can't believe it". He keeled over, making sure his head hit pavement, a good excuse for amnesia. __________________________________________________ Sequel to the Sequel to the Sequel: As he fell, the obscured $500 bill was revealed. The kindness in the young lady's eyes was replaced by something else, and she bent down and snatched up the bill, averting her gaze from Fred's urine-stained socks. "Consider this a small payment on a large debt, Freddie," she said sadly. __________________________________________________ Deep Thinker Dr. Loo continued playing. All night the thoughts of starvation and food production plagued his conscience. Certainly his policies weren't to blame. He had done everything in his power. The night lingered. The seminar concluded. The game continued. If only there had been more rice. Ding ding ding - three cherries. __________________________________________________ Angel of Death Jerry Adams sat in his first class seat. As the turbulence began and the seat belt lite came on, he knew it was time. Reaching into his bag and withdrawing the ceramic hunting knife, he briskly walked down the aisle slashing the throats of those on there way to hell. __________________________________________________ Muslman4U Busted! Bonnie had been ready to commit to their relationship in person, but now the evidence was overwhelming. The statistical analysis complete, her cyber man was indeed bingeing on four boxes of sugar cereal a night, buying after midnight, in grocery stores with double coupons. __________________________________________________ First Person I write. I am here. I am living. I am breathing. I sense. I rule the world. I question. I learn. I am funny. I am not gay. I have an ego. I am a genius. I am insane. I am lazy. I am quite good looking. I will die. __________________________________________________ We talked a while. She sat on the floor. I worried about her comfort. "Twenty years ago, the President came to the cabin, and spent the afternoon." "You're kidding." "He sat in the chair you're sitting in." "You're joking." I handed her an album, and she turned to the picture. __________________________________________________ Her little son's head was too large, but he could evidently speak a few words. Her pale daughter's head was normal in size, but the jaw of the silent girl hung slack. The woman was beautiful, and everyone was watching her as she carried her children from the bus, one over each shoulder. __________________________________________________ The VW bug whacked the parked Expedition. Wrenched from sleep I rush out, dialing 911. "Bleeding? We don't come if he's dead", says the Medic. Checking the head poking through the windshield. "Alive, bleeding like a pig!" "Bastard better have Insurance!" screams the Expedition's owner. Who fking cares? __________________________________________________ M. I. C. U. It had been a long sleepless night. Nothing helped the nausea. The doctor took a long time to call back that Saturday morning. He advised taking the patient to the E.R. Twelve hours later, I ask, "What exactly is his condition?" The nurse replied, "This is an Intensive Care Unit.............." __________________________________________________ The Outsider She sat waiting patiently, the giant eye opened slowly. For one brief moment, it showed her what was hidden inside. Eagerly, she leaned forward, but it was too late, closing it shut her out again. Turning away, not seeing the metallic tear slide slowly down the glass.. __________________________________________________ Slip~N~Slide the slip and slide exhibition was for days, i was a kid of 17 again, frictionless moisture, how in the world could i ever bottle and sell the stuff without it evaporating. will passion evaporate in an anaerobic environment. __________________________________________________ In That Town In that town, he beat that dead horse for twenty years on his lawn with back of a old spade. In that town, they called him crazy. But one day, the flames burst forth from the corpse at last and engulfed him and he left that town for the City. __________________________________________________ FANG Circling the square room from 4 feet, the purple microdot was hardly digested when the fully clawed cat lost control. Agility, speed, and lifts from the furniture, kept him circling until the door was opened. Laughter paused, as the long jump ended with a hard landing and no heartbeat. __________________________________________________ Father Figure Hannah, seven, awoke from fever. Stumbling for help, she opened father's tent. A man with many camels and tribal clout, she knew him only as Sultan. For the remainder of her life she would remember one thing. Seeing her vomit, he continued to castrate Soorah with a sharp curved dagger. __________________________________________________ The Slip-up "No one can ever know about this, my love." "It's all right, darling. I don't care what happens." "I don't want you pulled down with me, that's all. I couldn't bear to see you hurt." "Here's my hand. Take it. I promise I'll switch to a different floor wax." Stan __________________________________________________ The Mutiny I was in hell. I didn't plan to, but I took him at swordpoint and forced him into the boat. We sailed for an undiscovered place, somewhere we could live a life of gentleness and beauty. But we brought too few women along, and murdered ourselves to the last man. __________________________________________________ Incorrigible: "Stop teasing me!" "I'm not teasing you." He flicked a lock of her hair. "Cut it out!" Silence... "Whenever I start caring about somebody I just get hurt!" "You don't want anyone to care about you.", he laughed. "How would you know?" "I can tell by the way you act." __________________________________________________ Repentence: He pinged a rock, then spotted a sparrow on the phone wire. He took careful aim, then squeezed the trigger. The feathered creature dropped to the ground like a stone. His eyes widened. Bob fixed him with a crushing glare. "You asshole!" "But I didn't think I could hit him!" __________________________________________________ Shame: It was late. The four youths were swaggering up the other side of the street. A lone black man was walking in their direction. "Nigger!" "Goddamn nigger in our neighborhood!", another bellowed. "That's right, Nigger! You better cross the street!" He averted his gaze from the man as he passed. __________________________________________________ The Vigil: "But Nicole doesn't like Chinese food." Three days he'd spent before the staring eyes of the comatose old man, tubes sticking out of his abdomen. "Goddammit, I'm sick of this shit!" They stared from the hospital steps. His brother beside Nicole, his wife with concern. "Goddammit, piss on you then!" __________________________________________________ Flying: "Uncle Steve, watch me fly!", he shouted, and bounded across the lawn quick as his 5 year old legs allowed. He took a giant leap and stood beaming. "Were you flying?" "Yeah!", and he was off. Steve smiled at his sister-in-law. "I wish I could fly", he grinned. __________________________________________________ The Swingset: It was a beautiful morning to play outside. But he was hungry. He tumbled into the house. "Hey Mom!" His mother looked up. He stopped. She was crying. "What's wrong?", he whispered. She wiped a tear with the palm of her hand. She could barely speak. "They've shot the President." __________________________________________________ Untitled: She was beautiful. Her eyes reflected joy whenever they gazed into his. One afternoon, as they caressed one another following a joyous morning of lovemaking, he tenderly whispered a secret into her ear. Later, a friend mentioned she had run into him briefly on the street. "Oh. Him!" she replied. __________________________________________________ Letter to Lisa Dear Lisa, I acted on my theory and began inserting small handwritten philosophical insights into loaves of white bread at the Ready-Fresh. I'm awaiting trial, as the D.A. believes I was poisoning unsuspecting shoppers. Our trip to Sofia looks delayed. Will update. With love and squalor, David P.S. Please send 10,000 water-resistant index cards. __________________________________________________ Fire "Having fun?" "I suppose", he turned red. "Doesn't it look like it?" "I thought maybe you were stuck. Should I call the Fire Department?" He shinnied down, dropping into the sand. "Maybe." She looked perplexed. He went to her, took a swing in both hands, and smiled. "Want a ride?" __________________________________________________ Pillory Squadron - microplay (draft) (Scene: Corporate boardroom. Men around large table. Enter Pillory Squadron carrying wood and tools. Disruption ensues. Babes in thong bikinis enter) Babe leader: (to men, with sinister laugh) Look at our asses. They're perfect. Ha! (Exit all, except for CEO who is left standing in a pillory.) The end. ----------------------------- This is the first draft in a larger work entitled "45 Short Plays About the Pillory Squadron". It is the playwright's intent that the only intelligible bit of dialogue in each of the plays be "Look at our asses. They're perfect. Ha!". __________________________________________________ Benji the Brooding Jinn: A Short Case Study Arguing for Greater Quality Control in the Realm of Semi-Ethereal Higher-Beings Benji the jinn walked the span of the bridge, brooding over the impossibility of manufacturing the transparent ash apparatus and shipping to distributors in time for the holidays. In a fit of anger, he lowered the airspeed of the jumper and had the tug-boat captain notice the flailing on port. __________________________________________________ Diagram of a Trapezoid Hank ate a bar of soap and claimed to be invisible. But as that has nothing at all to do with our present area of concern, I suggest we just continue. __________________________________________________ "What's Playing on the Moon Tonight?" David's family did not own a television, which caused him trouble in making the difficult adjustment during adolescence. David's family forced him to watch the moon according to a strict computer-generated schedule while munching salty snackfoods on a sofa with them in their backyard, adding to his troubles. __________________________________________________ NYT Appropriation Piece "This is our first big shipment from China," said Special Agent Grace, who describes himself "as the voice of the sturgeon which has no other voice." He and Inspector Rothe sliced open the box. The cans of caviar inside were pristine, each bearing a hologram. ----------------------------------------- SOURCE: Molly O'Nell, "For U.S. Agents, Sampling Caviar Is a Job, Not a Treat", New York Times, 12/19/98, p. D3 nytimes.com. If only you could make it end "each bearing a hologram of child-actor Gary Coleman" without destroying its "found art" aesthetic. __________________________________________________ The American Dream or The Engine of the World To live in the American Dream is to experience first hand the truth of material expression. Christmas comes to mind, for some strange reason. We celebrate the continuity of life in the face of winter's destruction. We bring out our tallow candles and safely stored seed cakes, we hoist our ale and salute, another banner year. __________________________________________________ My Brother Saved a Life Today or A Salute to Truth and Beauty A True Story by Graystone Twenty two years, a professional waiter, at one of the cities premiere restaurants. On his station, giving the gift of love. The party sat, stunned, she tried to gasp, the lack of oxygen overrode her muscle control and she began to slump. Loving your job, and doing it well, matter. __________________________________________________ Roman Holiday Norman estimated 30 more seconds before his termination. Downloading the last of his cognitive data, he pondered why he opted for the synthetic skin. Fetal tissue was always more secure as an epidermis. He knew that androids were not allowed near the Vatican - even when accompanied by a human spouse. __________________________________________________ Dinner for Four Rex and Rich had been co-workers for years but never close friends. Dinner in Bangkok changed that. Staring in each other's eyes, the thought of simultaneous orgasms was not just a fantasy but was actually happening. The girls under the table were professionals without question. The fried mango was marginal. __________________________________________________ ROMAN HOLIDAY II The "GENRE RULES LOCK!" heads-up was too late for Hugh, CyberAnticardinal Bishop of Santa Clara, to hand-crank shields -- damn that AMD K-39 tachystoscope!: -33 to Termination! doubledamn that Synthoskin[TM] -- Fetutissu[TM] more radiation-opaque... "ANDROIDS WITH HUMAN SPOUSES BANNED!" Damn, it was all over! -- only 4 words left -- "PUSH" he telefaxed: ... __________________________________________________ RESTAURANT SURAT BY COLESSEUM Brain-joined, they'd never sexed. Now simultaneously orgasmic in dim light, RexRich watched cornerly the Filipina convulse -- knowing each for the first time -- the girls beneath the table too young to be expert, but learning -- The under-ripe mango reeking of terpenes -- But what the hey! Afterwards, no doubt, there would be dancing! That's just poetic license. It wasn't like that at all! How did you guess?" __________________________________________________ Time Off? - Who can afford that? He couldn't believe his eyes. His fantasy portfolio had gone up over 600% and the stock he had sold before vacation was up 200%. He had of course, cashed out before going on vacation. After all, why take chances? jimS __________________________________________________ Caveat Emptor The monotonous voice droned. Eventually, Nigel's eyes closed and his jaw hung limply. "Certainly the defendant had the ability to crush the victim's skull, didn't she?" "Objection! It calls for speculation by the witness," Nigel thundered. "Sustained." The defense attorney smiled pleasantly at the prosecutor. __________________________________________________ MONDAY MORNING VISITING A FRIEND I had driven down that road often. The call had not prepared me for the sight before me today. I was a block away when the flames came into view. A quick prayer, Dear God, don't let anyone have been home. The family: all 7 safe. The home: totally lost. __________________________________________________ White or Teal? Having bought the ticket months before, the day had finally arrived. His flight would be landing in one hour. Pondering three questions as I dressed; should I wear my wedding rings or leave them home?? Would he wear his ring?? Should I wear the white lace or teal lace panties?? __________________________________________________ Creation Week - The Sequel In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. In the middle, he let things run awhile on their own. In the end, he created anti-matter that neutralized heaven and earth, except for several thousand travel-sized Backgammon boards which floated in the void and amused him. __________________________________________________ Creation Week - The Sequel to the Sequel Involving Anti-Matter Neutralization In the end, God grew bored of looking at a universe of floating travel-sized Backgammon boards and recreated heaven and earth again without anyone noticing. He later neutralized it again, allowing only a purple moped and a wax figure of Jackie O. in an Oleg Cassini evening gown to survive. __________________________________________________ A Reasonable Find "We've discovered a civilization from 9,000 bc," announced the elated Archaeologist to the symposium. "They constructed a 14 foot high pyramid containing approximately 300 half-ton stones. In an easily decipherable script, they wrote that it was the best they could do." "It's about time," someone in the audience shouted. __________________________________________________ Stuff - An Operetta for Experimental Musical Theater Living-room piled high with clothes, furniture, books, appliances, general life accumulations. Characters entirely blocked from view. Melody of libretto improvised. Enter husband. Husband: Honey, I'm home and I got more stuff. Wife: More stuff! Children: Daddy's got more stuff! Repeat above for several hours or until rioting starts. Exit all. ========================================================= A note from the librettist/composer: It is very important to bill the production ahead of time as Don Giovanni. __________________________________________________ Someone of Such Disposition David began to catalog all the images and ideas he had ever been exposed to. His hope was that in doing so, he could unearth the clues to what had transpired and then coallesced to leave him as someone of such disposition.

To: Yorikke who wrote (300)	4/17/1999 1:47:00 AM
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SS50 wol Year 1 Review Part III of III __________________________________________________ Someone of Such Disposition David began to catalog all the images and ideas he had ever been exposed to. His hope was that in doing so, he could unearth the clues to what had transpired and then coallesced to leave him as someone of such disposition. __________________________________________________ Emile's Lair Bloodshot eyes peered out of the bunker. A rustle in the bushes... a JDL fanatic with binoculars? A Mossad sniper? Omnipotent, omnipresent, someday they would get him. Sweating fingers wrapped around the keyboard. The world must know. Steve __________________________________________________ Stripes of a Cheetah The 66 lobatimized clones, each chained to a bed, clamored when the nurse entered the dorm. Daily ejaculations provided Father Muru with enough genetic material to continue the therapies that allowed him eternal life. Powerless to stop him, the government had overlooked the possibilities of an individuals right to privacy. __________________________________________________ The Flavor of Failure The master of the vineyard gazed unblinking into the relentless gray drizzle. Before the clouds came, it was one week from being the greatest harvest the chateau had seen since the immortal '29 - doubtless greater. Now the rotting bunches hung on the waterlogged vines, and the creditors disdained a millennium's heritage. __________________________________________________ Mouth of the CranobotTM I- six firm strokes to void into the breastpump catcher. II- required 16, kissed lips. III but a drop with sloppy free hand neurotome at fault. The CranobotTM guaranteed replicability. Father shoved in CranobotTM draining each clone exactly, ingesting DNA, immortally circling the beds, __________________________________________________ Giggles and Groans It was snowing for the 14th day. Once again school was canceled. Outside the sounds of children and parents could be heard. Children playing in the snow, snowball fights, building snowmen and sledding. Parents working to clear off the cars, driveways and sidewalks. The children giggled and the parents groaned. __________________________________________________ Capitalism gone to heaven. If life possessed any sense of wonder, then he reasoned, most people lived without it. Homogeneous features of Americans meandering through a newly opened mail; strolling along as if stultified by all there was to consume. He'd seen more profound looks on a dog's face perusing an evening's moonlight. With a word to spare, Marty __________________________________________________ Chain of Command "Hose 'em down" "But sir - " "You heard me private. Hose them down. We do things here by the book." Billings hosed down the prisoners, who promptly melted, having been turned into cotton candy homunculi by a miscalculation in the Gepetto Equation. "Fill out the usual forms on that." "Yes, sir." __________________________________________________ Her lorvwz hz frn tdE Skrer Tn'aldiss Dhists. Dn DShego preg, ndah Blahlaahhs go deShakah an tem dKID.....One Tato Aiga Flk. @haulimkumakiho __________________________________________________ The Third Council of the 2nd Milennium provides this information to the Electorate. 2434:02:14:38:10.04&h<> nIMMMugh Kipunahh sends warm regards to Agness Kimura! __________________________________________________ Tomorrow was the day I always planned on; a day I finally made love to Millie Stuart, the girl I loved in first grade... __________________________________________________ Silence echoed through the great hall, resonating off the metallic walls. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the floating debris, drifting by. With a sense of wonder, she stared in fascination, the thought drifted like the debris, "so that is what retribution looks like'! ze gyp __________________________________________________ Metallic Walls or Retribution No matter how carefully you prepared yourself, wonder overwhelmed. He too hadn't thought, "it would be like this or that." It appeared total and complete but the after effects made appearances deceiving, he drifted with the bits. He bumped, against something, turning his head with great effort, he saw her. __________________________________________________ The Not So Grand Inquisitor "There was a man who went out to sow. As he scattered the seed in the field, some of it -" "Look pal, I hate to cut you off. But A, I'm not into gardening and B, I don't deal with tele-marketers. But I wish you the best of luck. Goodbye." __________________________________________________ Yes, Officer, That's My Fishing Boat Mysteriously Floating Over Lower Manhattan "NJ30910920?" "That's it." "Do you have any information that may help us out here?" "Well, I put it in dry-dock last fall and I haven't seen it since." "He's lying," thought Sgt. Hitnum. (to be continued...) __________________________________________________ Truckin' Laurie felt the plush carpeting against her cheek. She had always dreamed of riding in a Kenworth conventional double sleeper. Pinned to the cabin floor by the lead foot gracious driver was not anticipated from the roadside. Her 12th vertebrae would soon hang on Harvey's necklace, alongside 11 other trophies. __________________________________________________ The Feast The men had met on the shore, and drifted slowly toward the channel marking family reef. Iosefo, an in-law, unaware of the Sa on the channel head reef, was alone when the shark took him. "A BIG FISH!" he screamed, and was never seen again. __________________________________________________ European Cuisine From the intense pounding, the succulent loin spread out thin, remaining shiny, glistening, pink, and moist. Hammering away, Giusseppe starting working up a sweat. A fine piece of trim, it was nearly ready for its completion. Dripping with rich white cream, the veal quickly absorbed the spicy Italian bread crumbs. __________________________________________________ Pairadice Cafe Ula slipped the slimy fish into boiling coconut broth where eyes popped, gills protruded, and distending guts made em puffy. Ugly on my plate, stinking of boiled seaweed, but better fare than the fermented sea slug swimming like whale snot in an old coke bottle. I eyed Ula's thigh. __________________________________________________ The old man was dying and his black coffin stood against the wall like the grim reaper ready to strike. We waited. His slow recovery went unremarked; a white cloth was placed over the coffin. We used it as a table; but the old man refused to eat from it. _______________________________________________ 911 It was the 13th car that took the turn too wide rending the night air with screeching rubber and crumpling metal. Come quick!! I said to 911. Is he alive? Check. We don't send ambulances for DOA'a Fuk U! I screamed at the phone, and went back to bed. _________________________________________________ Chapter 23: Once Again He Fails to Pull the Puppeteer to Earth "See them?" "No." "On the wrist!" "You're scaring me." "I'll prove it." With twenty yards to build speed, he tackles the cloaked figure and yanks the strings attached to its wooden wrist. Soon airborne, he quickly realizes he cannot dislodge the puppeteer from his invisible dirigible and lets go. "Bastard!!!" __________________________________________________ The Prisoner Brian pressed his face hard through the iron bars and gripped them tightly. "I can't stand this place," he sighed. "Hey, Bro, it won't be long," Jimmy said reassuringly. "I gotta get out of here." Jimmy lay back upon his dingy cot, listening until the visitor's door had clanged shut. __________________________________________________ The Dentist's Chair The dusty glove entered CoCo's mouth again. Dental school had cursory training in psychology, but Dr. Egan did not notice the chronic manic depression, much less care. "Oh Shit", cried Egan. Spitting the latex covered digits to the floor, the metal tray flew as CoCo sped out of the office. __________________________________________________ "Remember to wear clean underwear." His bloody lips curled into a grin as his mother's words floated across the fog of his brain (doctors would later label the concussion "mild"). His grin became a smile as he imagined the paramedic's faces. He's TASIMPSO. He doesn't wear underwear. Chicks dig him.