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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: treetopflier who wrote (1889)	3/30/1999 9:35:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

HEY THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!!! BEEN ONLINE.....?????? 1. You have been online for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay online? Please respond within 10 min. or you will be logged off. 2. You have been online for 92 minutes. Do you still want to stay online? Please respond within 10 min. or you will be logged off. 3. You have been online for 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there are other people in the world who would like to sign on too. 4. You DO realize that you have been online for 184 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside? 5. Ok, this is getting ridiculous. You have been online for 240 minutes. Frankly, you are starting to piss us off. If you sign off now, we will bring back your buddies' list, ok? 6. You have now been online for 360 minutes. We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up NOW and go read a good book? 7. You have been online for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members' names? 8. You have been online for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left you and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain online? 9. You have been online for 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming over personally to kick your ass. 10. You have been online 852 minutes. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY HOURS THAT IS?!?!?!?! 11. You have been online for 921 minutes. Do you realize that AOL averages 921 complaints per hour about busy phone lines? This is because of YOU, you loser! Now log off and go to bed!!!! 12. You have been online for 1000 minutes. When AOL went unlimited, we didn't think you would take it literally, Now hang up before we go broke!!!!! 13. You have been on since yesterday. Ok, if you don't get off, we are coming to your house and pulling the damn phone out!

To: treetopflier who wrote (1889)	3/31/1999 12:47:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

Bill wakes up one morning and looks down and notices there is a what seems to be a suspicious red rash around the Executive member. He calls in the White House doctor, who gives him bottle of pills and tells him to check back tomorow. Next morning, the ring is still there and the doctor gives the Chief a bottle of more powerful pills, but next morning the ring persists. The doc then hands the President a bottle of lotion and says, "Rub this on the redness and it should disappear. Sure enough! The President says to the doc, "Worked like a charm. The redness is gone. What was it, some powerful antibiotic? "Nope." says the doc: "Lipstick remover.:

To: treetopflier who wrote (1889)	3/31/1999 1:20:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2733

This elderly couple in a nursing home had been dating for three years. One day the old man turns to the old woman and says, "We've been together for three years now. Don't you think it's time we had sex?" "No", said the woman. "I'll pay you for it", the old man said. Again the woman said, "no." "C'mon, I'll give you five hundred dollars to have sex with me." The woman said okay, and they arranged to meet in his room that night. Later, in his room, they were laying side by side after having sex. The old man turns to the old woman and says, "Hell, I'd have paid you one thousand dollars if I'd known you were a virgin!" The woman turned to the old man and said, "If I'd known you could get it up, I'd have taken my panty hose off!"