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Non-Tech : Tulipomania Blowoff Contest: Why and When will it end? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Sir Auric Goldfinger who wrote (1188)	4/2/1999 3:01:00 AM
From: Slumdog	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 3543

Dow Jones over 9999, world burns! The floor of the NYSE was positively bursting with anticipation as the time wore down. With the market creeping closer and closer to the mythical 10,000 mark, normally frantic stockbrokers were glued to the ticker as the numbers marched upwards. And just as trading closed the mighty Dow odometer ticked over. Unfortunately, just like an odometer it ticked past 9999 and came to rest reading 0000. The shocked silence was only broken by one unknown stockbroker, whose cry of fff----------kkkkkk!!!!!!! echoed eerily around the suddenly silent exchange. "Holy shit, Holy shit, I'm penniless!" cried an unnamed investment banker as he smashed a supermarket window with his briefcase and filled it with canned fruit. Of course, with the biggest stock exchange on earth suddenly worthless, anarchy ensued. The collapse of the world markets led to panic, and as of press time, New York, Paris, London and Munich are burning. "Well, goddamn it if we shouldn't have changed the old board," said a tearful Robert Shroelich, chief investment officer at Bunder Kemple Investments. "We bought this one from the old YMCA gym on 43rd street, and we just never got around to changing it." Danger to the public quickly became apparent as Wall Street brokers came raining down from office towers by the dozens, tying up traffic and leading to the death of many innocent passers-by. However a sizeable crowd turned up to watch the carnage, and cheered especially loud When Merrill-Lynch CEO Stuart Enderby managed the rare triple back flip-triple sommersault-single pirouette before hitting the pavement at an estimated 180 MPH. Incidentally, spatula sales have skyrocketed since the mass plummeting. President Bill Clinton pleaded for calm in the face of the collapse of capitalism, saying that "America has faced many challenges in the past and we will meet this challenge with the new millenium". However, shortly after Clintons' address to the country, the White House was swarmed by desperate stockbrokers wielding bank pens with their ties wrapped around their heads. Fidel Castro, the President of Cuba, was triumphant at the press conference he held shortly after the fall of the western world. "The people of Cuba have gone through some hard times, but now I think things are going to start paying off!" Unconfirmed reports have President Bill Clinton ready to trade in Camp David to Castro in exchange for ten pounds of bananas and a crate of low grade cigars. Alan Greenspan, Chairman of the Federal Reserve, was unavailable for comment, and was sighted highjacking a plane to Cuba while lugging several heavy looking suitcases. "F--k it, hahahahahahaha!" he reportedly cried gleefully. In an unrelated incident, 900 pounds of gold bullion mysteriously disappeared from Fort Knox shortly after the end of trading.