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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Dayuhan who wrote (33863)	4/6/1999 7:31:00 AM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

Steve, That seems to have happened quickly, though if you were doing things daily and watching the process it may have seemed not at all fast. Was he in the hospital? I think even watching someone with whom you had no emotional connection die of cancer would be an awful experience. Cremation seems such an excellent choice for disposal. Mother was cremated, but I think it was because it was cheaper and she was penurious to a fault. That's probably why she decided to die at home. No, I'm being facetious-she did it because we had watched my father die in the hospital and it was cold and medical and terrible. Anyway, when I went to the funeral home, they tried to sell us a coffin for the memorial service! I said, do you rent by the hour? What would I do with it afterward? Does it come with a little pamphlet--10 Tasteful and Creative Suggestions for Your Only Slightly Used Coffin? (I really need to learn when my attempts at humor are not appreciated or appropriate.) Then they brought out the book of urns for the ashes, which ranged from 19.99 up to lots. I remember thinking that I didn't want to look TOO cheap, so I bought the 29.99 model. The thing that seemed the most odd was after the service when we got to the cemetery, there was only this little tiny hole dug. It never occurred to me that there wouldn;'t be a giant 6 foot chasm in the earth, like in all the movies, casket looming over it, with mourners weeping and throwing flowers or themselves into it. Instead they just inserted the urn into the little hole. It was very anticlimactic. Again you have done "a good thing" and I admire you greatly. (Pearls in your crown!)We all should try for the one deed at a time, one gesture, one kindness; it would add up so quickly. Do you have to wear shoes to do this though? THat would really earn my respect.

To: Dayuhan who wrote (33863)	4/6/1999 10:15:00 AM
From: Rainy_Day_Woman	Respond to of 108807

Steve~ that was quick. i'm glad you helped this man, no one should die alone and forgotten. i know you said it didn't particularly make you feel good, but it made me feel good hearing about it :-) the to-do list for tomorrow, and somehow it seemed very odd that between settling Jenny into her new playgroup, getting Joey to the dentist, and doing a fair number of work things, the list includes arranging a cremation. yep, life is a funny mix, always

To: Dayuhan who wrote (33863)	4/6/1999 5:39:00 PM
From: E	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 108807

You are a fine person, Steven. I had the same experience penni did at the cemetery-- i was startled to see the tininess of the hole dug for my mother's ashes. Also, penni, you mentioned making a joke about the coffin rental and it not being appreciated. That reminded me of the occasion on which my father, sister, husband, aunt and I drove to the cemetery to bury my mother's ashes (the cemetery was a choice made by Daddy; he wanted to have his ashes buried in his family's plot, and so Mama, who would have hated this, since she loathed everyone in Daddy's family, was buried there, too), a drive of about an hour and a half. At about the half way point, Daddy let out an anguished cry, "I forgot the cremains!" Nothing could be done about it, because the arrangements had been made to meet the head of the cemetery there at a particular time, and there was no way to contact him. So we proceeded, and had our little atheist family ceremony at the side of this little perfectly dug one foot square hole without Mama. Everyone was flying back to their respective homes right away, so a gathering the next day was not a possibility. (I returned a month later and went back to the cemetery with Daddy, and Mama too, this time.) The thing is that the word 'cremains,' a new one to all of us, plus the realization that Mama wasn't going to be at her own 'funeral' rendered everyone in the back seat hysterical with laughter. Daddy and my husband, who was behind the wheel, were the only ones not out of control. We were all just so tired and upset, i'm sure that had something to do with it. Trying to make an excuse, I said to Daddy, "Mama would have thought it was funny, too, Daddy!" He answered, "If you think that, you didn't know your mother," and I said, "Well, she would have thought it was funny if it happened with someone else's cremains." The word 'cremains' caused us to lose control again. (Daddy agreed that this was true, Mama would have thought it was funny under those circumstances.) I have often embarrassed myself getting the giggles at very solemn occasions. This post isn't relevant to anything. I was just reminded of the incident by the talk of cremation and of humor in the context of death.