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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (1968)	4/9/1999 1:05:00 PM
From: Sailor	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 2733

Salesman comes into small town and heads to the bar. After a few drinks he asks the bartender if there is any action in this town. The bartender directs him to the "house" across the street. Salesman knocks on the door and is greeted by the 75 year old cleaning woman. After explaining what he is looking for the woman tells him that it is monday nite and all the girls are off but that she will take care of him. He agrees and they go into a bedroom. Instead of getting undressed, she pops out her glass eye and pointing to her eye socket tells the salesman put it right in here. He does and has the best orgasm that he has ever had. He thanks and tips her profusely and tells her that the next time he is in town that he will be looking her up. She replies "I'll be keeping an eye out for you !"

To: Barney who wrote (1968)	4/10/1999 10:16:00 AM
From: Elmer Flugum	Respond to of 2733

1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight" came from. 2. When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing," They actually pass out from sheer terror. 3. The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards." 4. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. 5. The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1. 6. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. 7. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon." 8. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."