Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Monty Lenard who wrote (1992)	4/20/1999 7:33:00 PM
From: Trader Dave	Respond to of 2733

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example...Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream - then suddenly, there was quiet. Not a sound for half a minute. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

To: Monty Lenard who wrote (1992)	4/24/1999 10:14:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 2733

A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality. "I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury." The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his testimony. "I saw Jed mount his sheep from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the sheep turn around and lick Jed's pecker." The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good sheep will do that." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whooping twenty pounds. "WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "10 pounds." The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened?" The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A woman went to the doctors office and said, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. But, I'll have to take my clothes off to show you." The doctor told her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She did and the doctor went around to see her when she was ready. "Well, what is it?" he asked. "It's a bit embarrassing," she replied. "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs." The doctor examined her and finally admitted he had no idea what the cause was. Suddenly, the doctor asks, "Does your husband wear earrings?" "Why, yes, doctor, he does." "Tell him they're not real gold."