To: Ilaine who wrote (22189 ) 4/17/1999 6:03:00 PM From: Gauguin Read Replies (4) | Respond to of 71178
I think of "normal" people the same way, in one frame of mind, Coby. Like they are moss. Or lawn. Or pavement. Or mattress stuffing. Acceptable. I mean I don't feel critically toward them, because I admire anyone , whose substrate is not completely frayed by this existence. But they're not the people I gravitate to. Bond with. Share a sense of humor with. There is realistically more risk in gravitating to the interesting, because they can affect you. In ways the normal people, the charge-less, cannot. Lotsa angst in abnormal lives. Weirdness, insight; aberrant behavior, healthy outlooks. Anti-naivete, whatever that's called. But at other times, these wide-eyed or "jaundiced" or cynical people are the ones I think of as "normal". People who can likewise understand me much of the time. Who are steeply on the edge once in a while, so they know, can relate, to what our perceptions and problems are. And aren't afraid to admit it. Are not embarrassed by understanding, and having suffered or wondered the same, and experienced weakness. Life without a questioning, perhaps critical or cynical edge, running near the surface sometimes, doesn't seem realistic. I could be dead rong, too. It hasn't necessarily paid off in results, but I think a group of my friends have individually saved my life and I theirs. At times when things got nasty. And I don't feel like they're ignoring the nature of life or its consequences, which I don't like to do. Is not natural for me to do. But often wish I could. Very much so; I wish I could be and understood normal. I don't think being deeply inquisitive can be shown to have any advantage. Except that at times it can keep you from being critically naive - like say marching off to WWI. Or buying penny stocks. Or foisting your belief system on strangers. A lot of nihilism around here, where I live. I can understand that. A lot of other things too ~ but I don't see these sensations or worries having any "positive" outcome for people. Their instinct of suspicion about life is not serving them any obvious alternative. It would be funny if being perceptive is worthless. I think that is a definite possibility. I know having children can make life different.