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Pastimes : Calling all SI Poets -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Nomad who wrote (1734)	4/28/1999 10:24:00 PM
From: jbe	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2095

Nomad -- I assume that "Morning Coffee" and "Ambulance Attendant" are both your handiwork. Quite good, both of them, especially the second. I think a couple of changes would make them still better. For example, I don't care for the expression "little blue angel". Perhaps you might have been thinking of Heinrich Mann's novel (or simply Marlene Dietrich), but in the context of the poem "angel" sounds a bit saccharine. Your subject is such that it takes very little to spoil the "stiff upper lip" effect you seem to be trying to achieve. You may tell me to mind my own business, and I'll accept that.<g> But first let me tell you how much I liked the last two lines: "My faith struggled/to catch its breath." Nothing makes a poem more memorable than an effective conclusion. The ending is what lingers in the mind. jbe