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Politics : Libertarian Discussion Forum -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MeDroogies who wrote (2579)	4/29/1999 10:27:00 AM
From: The Street	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 13062

> GEORGE CARLIN WITTICISMS: > > 1) Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. > > 2) One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. > > 3) Atheism is a nonprophet organization. > > 4) If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? > > 5) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. > > 6) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. > > 7) Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? > > 8) If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? > > 9) If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - is he still wrong? > > 10) If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? > > 11) Is there another word for synonym? > > 12) Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" > > 13) Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" > > 14) What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? > > 15) Would a fly without wings be called a walk? > > 16) Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? > > 17) If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? > > 18) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? > > 19) Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? > > 20) If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? > > 21) Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? > > 22) How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? > > 23) Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny. > > 24) What was the best thing before sliced bread? > > 25) I'm not schizophrenic. You only think we are.