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Pastimes : BEER -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Adelantado who wrote (1061)	4/30/1999 9:19:00 PM
From: Vendit™	Respond to of 3689

I agrrrrrreeeeeee wid ja Jooe. Did ya see Jooe b.s Bouk? growing.com Hes a maajar imbarassesmant to me now.

To: Adelantado who wrote (1061)	5/6/1999 5:14:00 PM
From: FREAKAZOID	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 3689

Geez what the freak is goin on here!! You guys grub over at my place then sleep for a week, wake up you screw balls!! Put some life back into this joint,, oh yeah here is some readin for ya, Almost 5:00 here almost time for Happy Hour!! pppppffffffffssssstttttt Subject: beer > > > > > >> BEER TROUBLESHOOTING > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. > >> FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. > >> ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. > >> FAULT: Improper bladder control. > >> ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. > >> FAULT: Glass empty. > >> ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. > >> FAULT: You have fallen over backward. > >> ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. > >> FAULT: You have fallen forward. > >> ACTION: See above. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. > >> FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. > >> ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. > >> FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. > >> ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Floor moving. > >> FAULT: You are being carried out. > >> ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. > >> FAULT: Bar has closed. > >> ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. > >> FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. > >> ACTION: Cover mouth. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. > >> FAULT: You are dancing on the table. > >> ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. > >> FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. > >> ACTION: Punch him. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. > >> FAULT: You have been in a fight. > >> ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. > >> FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. > >> ACTION: See if they have free beer. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. > >> FAULT: The beer is too weak. > >> ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. > >> > >> SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. > >> FAULT: Beer is just right. > >> ACTION: Play air guitar. >> > >> > > > > > >