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Pastimes : Business Wire Falls for April Fools Prank, Sues FBNers -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Don Pueblo who wrote (1640)	5/4/1999 1:08:00 PM
From: Mama Bear	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 3795

"So I got to stand up and say "Yes, Your Honor, we have." Just like on TV!" I have never seen a gigantic alien reptile jury foreperson on TV. Like they say, truth is stranger than fiction. <g> Barb

To: Don Pueblo who wrote (1640)	5/4/1999 1:19:00 PM
From: Henry Volquardsen	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 3795

The really amusing part is that I have not been summoned for Jury Duty since then. depends where you live. I got called in NYC. Served my tour and exactly on the two year date got called again. It is almost routine to get a few deferrals but once they get you in their grasp you are on a schedule to serve every few years, like it or not. I actually moved out of the country to escape. Serving on a jury in NYC is a mind altering experience. NYC's criminal courts have an incredible volume of cases going through them and consequently an insatiable appetite for jurors. When you arrive you are herded into a room that looks a cross between a film noir bus station and the waiting room to purgatory. A disembodied voice over a really bad sound system starts reading off unitelligible instructions. The one think they make sure you here is that while you are free to go to the restroom or forage for food, God help you if you are not there when your name is called. The only seating was a series of hard wooden benches. You then sat there like the road company of 'Waiting for Godot' waiting for your name to be called. When the moment arrived you and @50 of your fellow Luckys would be herded off like Ben Hur being lead to the galleys. Jurors not being criminals but instead being state chattel have no rights. When we arrived at the court the judge was not ready to let us into the court, in fact he decided to go to lunch, so we were left idling in the hallway. No chairs, no ammenities of any sort and no info. There we loitered for the rest of the day. After 6 hours the judge decided he had an urgent need to play golf, I assume, and we were told to report to the same spot in the morning. The next day we spent a mere hour before we were allowed in. Once seated the judge greeted us. He made it clear that he knew we had been jerked around and he could not care less. He said he knew damn well that at least half of us had dreamt up wild excuses to get out of jury duty. He said he anticipated at least 2 or 3 klansmen and a six or seven other advocates of enforced drug use in the city's kindergartens. He said he didn't give a damn and wouldn't believe any of it. He said it would get you off the trial but not out of jury duty. 'I'll send you back upstairs with a note saying not to let you on a jury but to keep you staring at the effing walls for the next two weeks.' For some reason he then looked me straight in the eyes and said 'Don't f... with me and I won't f... with you. The only chance you have of getting out of here before two weeks is up is to play ball, get on a jury and hope you get a short trial and can go home early'. At that point the guy sitting next to me whispers to me 'bulls...'. The judge sees him and goes ballistic. He tells the guy to stand up and the guy tells him 'you told us the same thing last week, I got on a jury, trial finished Friday, and they kept me this week for another trial'. The judge then nods to his clerk and they remove the guy, I assume he was sent back up stairs to serve the rest of his sentence. I did get on the jury and it was major trial of a significant criminal mastermind. If you are not familiar with NYC there is a certain amount of the drug trade which is made up of people who come from New Jersey. They drive across the GW bridge and down Broadway looking for sellers. This particular genius had set up on the corner of 126th and Broadway and was standing outside of a bodega hawking his wares. He was standing on the east side of Broadway so he had to shout and gesticulate to draw the attention of the south bound Jerseyites coming down the west side of Broadway. There was a police cruiser heading north on his side of Broadway. This being a very hot day in July the windows were down. The two officers decided that they would like something cold to drink so they head for the bodega. They turn onto 126th and park directly in front of the bodega. Meanwhile 'Don Corleone' is standing 10 feet away facing uptown oblivious to what just parked behind him. One of the officers gets out of the car and heads towards the bodega. When he is five feet from the Don our boy sees a potential client and starts waving and shouting 'Jumbos'. The cop shouts 'hey you' at which point Don turns looks at the two cops with a bit of surprise, reaches inside his shirt for a paper bag and throws it towards the trash can on the corner. He then turns and runs. The amazing thing was that it took three hours of deliberation. I swear a couple of people were just holding out for a free lunch.