Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (2075)	5/5/1999 11:09:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 2733

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed the brand new shiney watch Jimmy was wearing. "Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope." "You didn't steal it did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mum and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me." Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents room until he heard the unmistakeable noises of lovemaking. Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied. "Well stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father.

To: Barney who wrote (2075)	5/5/1999 11:11:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 2733

Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy when he noticed the brand new shiney watch Jimmy was wearing. "Did you get that for your birthday?" he asked. "Nope," Jimmy replied. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. "Nope." "You didn't steal it did you?" "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mum and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were on the job. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me." Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night he waited outside his parents room until he heard the unmistakeable noises of lovemaking. Johnny swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and asked him angrily; "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied. "Well stand in the corner and keep quiet then," said his father. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A teacher puts a photograph of a Tomcat on the blackboard, and proceeds to ask the class, if they can tell her how the tail is attached to the cat? Little Mary has the first attempt and answers "By fur Miss?" The teacher replies "Not quite right Mary, but a good try." Meanwhile all during the lesson Little Johnny is sitting down the back raising his hand in the air saying "Me, Miss! Me, Miss!" The next student the teacher picks is Peter, and he answers "Is it attached by skin Miss?" The teacher replies..."Not quite right either, Peter... anybody else want to try?" Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny. She said to Johnny "What do you think the tail is attached by?" Johnny replied, "Judging by the size of those nuts on the cat... I'd say it would have to be bolted on!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Bumper Sticker Suggestions Constipated people don't give a shit. Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut. Please tell your pants its not polite to point. If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings". If you can read this, I've lost my trailer. It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger. If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass. Wife and dog missing... reward for dog ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Dad," asked the kid, "can I have five dollars to buy a guinea pig?" "Aw, here's twenty dollars, son. Go find yourself a nice Irish girl."