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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ilaine who wrote (24081)	5/6/1999 3:59:00 PM
From: Gauguin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Hi. Thanks for the nice link collection. Just wanted to get on here to say hi to everybody and it is proving fukking impossible. Machines. They are not my friends. We agree on it. No wait, I want to bitch and moan. I just discovered we shipped a bunch of product with what are apparently small blood stains on it. People sometimes count or handle finished items unaware they're bleeding. Total futility. Negation or travel backwards. The difference between me of today and me of yore is that me of today can't flex to these things much. I can't afford them, but I also can't afford the anger that they access so easily now. Too damn much effort without gain. Phenomenal. Frustration. Put four or five of these on days in a row, and I'm down again. Shock, it is. Shock, fear, and anger; and they result in paralysis and eventually pulling the covers over your head. Only problem is, things come looking for you, even there. I found that out. If nothing else, disease will know you're there; and your mind never leaves. Nor does fear or pain. Dogged. I feel a little dogged. No, way dogged. Dogged out. Gotta protect myself. So that's what I'll try to do the rest of the day. But the odd thing is that pretending these things are un-important and don't really happen hasn't gained anything either. Because they really are happening. Have to find some unique new way. Test of a lifetime. I'm going away for the weekend, I don't know if I'll be here again before then, so anyway, don't worry iffn that's possible. Just see if you can find out who keeps roasting me. It doesn't really matter. That's one defense I have. But that's a close neighborhood to nothing does. Not the same tho I guess, holding together matters and being nice matters. Gotta go. Happy Birthday! :o)