Federalist #99-19.dgst
Friday, May 13, 1999
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THE FOUNDATION
"God grants liberty only to those who love it, and are always ready to
guard and defend it." --Daniel Webster
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ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PUNT
In the BIG news this week, Bill Clinton called to order a
post-Columbine White House "brainstorming session" with
representatives from the gun and entertainment industries, with the
objective of initiating a "national dialogue" on youth violence. The
NRA wasn't invited.
This weekend, Mr. Clinton will collect $1.5 million from entertainment
executives at a Democratic fund-raiser. Claiming that the payola does
not influence Mr. Clinton's decisions about where to place blame for
youth violence, Deputy White House Press Secretary Jake Siewert said,
"The president has spoken very bluntly to Hollywood. He's not been shy
about talking very directly about their role, culturally." Ka-ching,
ka-ching!
In other news, it was "an institutional error," according to DefSec
William Cohen, which caused the smartest bombs in our inventory (GPS),
from the most sophisticated bomber in our inventory (B-2), to
interrupt dinner at the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade last Friday. "I
want to tell the Chinese people, the leaders of China: I apologize. I
regret this," said Mr. Clinton. Note to Al Gore: No need to visit any
Buddhist nuns for big campaign donations this year.
Now, of all the potential embassies to "accidentally bomb," China is
just too obvious, amid revelations about Chinese spies at Los Alamos.
If we are going to accidentally bomb the embassy of a U.N. Security
Council member, surely the French would have been a better choice.
To make amends with China, Mr. Clinton personally approved the sale of
special explosive bolts which are used to separate different stages of
rockets, and he approved next month's launch of a Chinese rocket
thought to be carrying a satellite for the U.S.-based Iridium
communications network. Note to our readers on the Left Coast:
INCOMING!
Never fear, Mr. Clinton "certified" that the export of these
components would not harm U.S. interests or "measurably improve the
missile or space launch capabilities" of China. Hasn't the war in
Yugoslavia established that Mr. Clinton does not know "U.S. interests"
from a hole in the ground? And what exactly is the definition of
"measurably"?
Back at the gates of "Cold War II," Mr. Clinton's terms for the
cessation of hostilities in Yugoslavia are the only thing being
"degraded" in that region. It appears that he will concede Slobo
Milosevic's demand to retain sovereignty over Kosovo, disarm the
remainder of the Kosovo Liberation Army, and stop bombing foreign
embassies when Milosevic has "demonstrably" initiated a peace
"settlement." The responsibility for protecting the Kosovars will be
picked up by the Russians and Chinese vis a vis the U.N. Security
Council.
American pilots, planes and support personnel are the only things
"grinding down" in the region. Bill Cohen warned Congress this week,
"We have a situation where we have a smaller force and we have more
missions, and so...we are wearing out systems, we're wearing out
people." Yes, but the economy is great!
George W. Bush was finally cornered and asked to comment on our
strategy in Kosovo. He responded, "haphazard." A man of few words....
Quote of the week...
"Clinton was my all-time favorite President. I thought he was going to
be the best President we ever had. I liked his character. I liked his
message. I voted for him twice. I danced at his last inauguration. And
now I think I was wrong. I think this has been one of the most
shameful episodes in presidential history. ... I've been a white
liberal Southern Democrat. There aren't many of us. We could have had
our conventions in kayaks. The best of all of us was B.C. But now, I
have to be on the side of people who don't care about perjury? Who
don't care about obstruction of justice? Who make excuses? ... I would
have voted to throw him out. He would have been back shopping for a
condominium in Little Rock." --Pat Conroy
Question of the week:
This one from radio pest Don Imus to Tim Russert, Vice President of
NBC News: "Here's my question: Why, why is [Energy Secretary] Bill
Richardson reluctant to just tell us [about the Chinese espionage
scandal]?"
Mr. Russert's response: "Because if he does, then he has put the
President of United States in a position where he is lying about
national security. There's no other way to say it. In March, the
President was asked by David Bloom very specifically did, in fact, the
Chinese gain any nuclear secrets on our watch? The President said no,
no. No one ever told me about any espionage at our labs and he threw
in labs thinking that that way he could have an out if other espionage
was revealed, which he already knew about. Well, now it turns out in
November of '98 he, and Richardson, and Secretary Cohen and Secretary
Albright were given a report by the counterintelligence forces in the
United States saying very specifically that over 300 times outsiders
had penetrated computers at our nuclear labs and had taken nuclear
secrets. Straightforward and everyone knew it to be the case."
The big lie...
"To the best of my knowledge, no one has said anything to me about any
espionage, which occurred by the Chinese against the labs, during my
presidency," Mr. Clinton said in March. But FBI counterintelligence
sources confirm they had informed Mr. Clinton that China posed an
"acute intelligence threat'' to nuclear arms labs. Potential
political cutouts in the White House are scurrying for cover.
Remnants from the Tall Tale Trial Trail....
A federal judge unsealed the FBI polygraph examination of Ms. Kathleen
Willey, who was questioned about her account of a sexual assault by
Mr. Clinton. The report states that the examiner asked Willey, "In
November 1993 did the president place his hand on your breast?" and
"Did President Clinton place your hand on his groin?" Both times,
Willey answered "yes," and the FBI's summary stated, "It is the
opinion of this examiner that Ms. Willey was truthful" when responding
to those questions.
"The most ethical administration"...?
"Well Mr. Chairman, one down, 120 to go." --Clintonista Johnny Chung
to House Oversight Committee Chairman Dan Burton, referring to the
remaining 120 witnesses who have either taken the fifth or fled the
country. Mr. Chung testified that he took $366,000 from a Chinese
intelligence official who wanted to see Clinton re-elected. Chung says
he was later offered hush money when the FBI began asking questions.
"The message was as follows: If you keep your mouth shut, you and your
family will be safe," said Chung.
>From the "Dumb and Dumber" Department...
Now that the Red Chinese have stolen from the Department of Energy,
all of the current technology needed to build, test and launch
multiple warhead nuclear weapon delivery platforms, DoE Secretary Bill
Richardson announced the formation of new "high-level" security
operations for his department. "We are not just shifting boxes around.
We are really changing the way security is handled at the Department
of Energy with more accountability and responsibility," Mr. Richardson
said. Just in time, we might add!
On the political front...
Miss Liddy was still stumping the "gun problem" in America. "I think
it's wrong to let people carry concealed weapons," said Ms. Dole,
claiming she has "the guts to stand up to the gun lobby."
Bore2000 -- Gore in the Balance...
"Al Gore believes that one important way to strengthen families is by
protecting a woman's right to choose. Al Gore is strongly
pro-choice...." --Profile from Gore's official campaign Web site,
just in case you missed the
killing-unborn-children-to-strengthen-families connection. And
speaking of Web sites, the "Veterans for Al Gore 2000" page now says
the site is officially closed down due to "poor leadership
performance" in conducting the U.S. military "operation" in
Yugoslavia.
This month's "Demo-Plunder Sweepstakes Award" goes to...
..the Federal Communications Commission, which is about to
rubber-stamp a billion-dollar unlegislated tax hike on our telephones.
The "Gore-tax," so called because it usurps "public funding" for Al's
big plan to log all of America's government schools onto the Internet,
will show up on your monthly phone bill under the euphemistic heading
"universal service charge." Just think of all the violent
counterculture Internet links that your monthly ante will make
available to fledgling trench-coat mafiosos around the country!
In halls of justice...
With all the excitement in Kosovo and Los Alamos, did you miss the
presidential declaration of "Law Day" on May 1st? Here is how Mr.
Clinton began his proclamation: "America's founders recognized that
the rule of law is the greatest guarantor of freedom and justice, the
crucial barricade protecting civilization from chaos, democracy from
tyranny."
On the culture war front...
The Washington Post has begun announcing same-sex unions in its Friday
Style section, but homosexual activists are protesting that the
announcements are not running in Wednesday's regular Wedding section.
Around the world...
President Boris Yeltsin dismissed his Prime Minister, Yevgeny
Primakov, and the rest of his Cabinet for the third time in little
over a year. Russia's lower house of parliament is debating
impeachment proceedings against Mr. Yeltsin. We wonder if he will
exercise the "Clinton Doctrine" of diversionary bombing to throw off
the impeachment hounds?
And last, Sen. Robert "Conscience-of-the-Senate" Byrd rear-ended a van
in northern Virginia this week. When state troopers ticketed him for
following too closely, Mr. Byrd fanned a copy of the Constitution in
their faces, and invoking its section immunizing members of Congress
from arrest (except for major crimes) when Congress is in session. Mr.
Byrd's Cadillac fetched $7,000 in damages, while the van's damages
were estimated at $700. But the collision's cost may be somewhat
higher, as the man driving the van noted, "I have a little bit of pain
in my back."
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