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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rambi who wrote (25259)	5/21/1999 1:21:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Respond to of 71178

>Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting, there is now the new Miracle Cat Diet!< Now I've seen it all. Usually I get chewed out for describing "cat" as a Food Group.

To: Rambi who wrote (25259)	5/21/1999 2:08:00 PM
From: Gauguin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Too vivid. I'm within eyesight and furball distance of nine cat bowls. And four finicky eaters who have to be physically and temporally and menu spaced. So there are bowls, and spilt pellets, everywhere. I did insist MJ stop feeding Stumpy and Lupita in the upstairs bathroom, too. Enough is goddam enough. They still have a water bowl up there, however, which the boy uses to Paint his Emotional Mood. Tipped over, which is easy to notice as your socks absorb the puddle, means that something was unsatisfactory. He puts his fisher paw in the water if you're there to see him, and splashes it out, with little flaps. "Hey, you ~ stupid," he says. If he's really tired of the crap life has pissed on him, he puts his paw carefully on the edge and pushes it down until the bowl flips over. He doesn't care if you see him do that or not, because he knows you are going to get it. And it means he was mad enough not even to save any water. He was decisive. Damn the present and damn the future. Fui runs by Keet's bowl in the morning, grabs a huge mouthful of rocks so big she can't chew any, and baubles for her bowl. She can't even carry that many in her mouth, so they fall out as she trots over the floor. Most of them. Like Millet's Sower.They're nice to step on barefooted. Or, if you're lucky, in wet socks. I keep the vacuum permanently in that room so I can splinkle them up the hose from all around their bowls, where they're arrayed like stardust. I don't know how they get that way. Why does eating rocks out of a bowl require a two foot radius? They come up backwards, like Kix up a drainpipe. I used to, actually, pick them up by hand and put them back in their bowls; waste not, want not; ~ but I finally, finally, came to my senses. They have a way of making you do things you don't want to, without thinking. Evil. I do have fantasies of catching them next to the bowl with the vacuum and sucking up the whole root of the problem at once. I make slurping noises of them coming up the pipe, and taking them out to the trash. The End. Thank you, St Francis. This morning was Vacuum Fur Off The Cat Pad Flannel Covers Day. Stumpy understands the nature of root problems, root canals, and lets me vacuum him directly. He kind of likes it. He changes sides, and lifts his tail and lies on his side and gets up again. Maybe he likes getting sucked because he's a boy. The vacuum makes the others jump at the doors to get out, which I like. If you crash through the glass there you could maybe get cut ~ heh heh. Die on the zip wire. All crumpled up, with just one last stain. Maybe it makes an ultra-high pitch noise that hurts their ears ~ heh heh. Must leave for wedding. Was just getting started. "Don't get me started."