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Pastimes : ISOMAN AND HIS CAVE OF SOLITUDE -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: barbara sperino who wrote (202)	6/1/1999 11:37:00 AM
From: Tom	Respond to of 539

Barbara Thanks from me, too. By the way, was there ever a world better suited for your picture of peace than this one? Tom

To: barbara sperino who wrote (202)	6/10/1999 11:22:00 PM
From: ISOMAN	Read Replies (5) \| Respond to of 539

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T... Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please? Me: May I ask who is calling? AT&T: This is AT&T. Me: OK, hold on. At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting. Me: Hello? AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron? Me: May I ask who is calling please? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T... Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes this is AT&T... Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron? Me: Yes, is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: The phone company? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I thought you said this was AT&T. AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company. Me: I already have a phone. AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron. Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling. When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent. AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering. Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day! Me: 7 days a week? AT&T: That's right. Me: 365 days a year? AT&T: Yes sir. Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing! AT&T: We think so! Me: That's quite a sum of money! AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up. Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance? AT&T: Excuse me? Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute. AT&T: What are you talking about? Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment. AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute. Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T? AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but...... Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me. AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for..... Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please! AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary. Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What? Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold on. So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food: Supervisor: Mr. Byron? Me: Yeah? Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program. Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is. I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort. Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan. Supervisor: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you. Me: Thank you. I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone. AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan? Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother... AT&T: (click)

To: barbara sperino who wrote (202)	6/11/1999 10:36:00 AM
From: Volsi Mimir	Respond to of 539

from The Liver Cancer Support Group [LIVER-ONC@LISTSERV.ACOR.ORG] > > > > > > Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night > > > in the home of a wealthy family. The family was > > > rude and refused to let the angels stay in the > > > mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given > > > a space in the cold basement. > > > > > > As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older > > > angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When > > > the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied... > > > "Things aren't always what they seem". > > > > > > The next night the pair came to rest at the house of > > > a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. > > > After sharing what little food they had the couple let > > > the angels sleep in their bed where they could have > > > a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next > > > morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in > > > tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole > > > income, lay dead in the field. > > > > > > The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older > > > angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first > > > man had everything, yet you helped him," he accused. > > > "The second family had little but was willing to > > > share everything, and you let their cow die." > > > > > > "Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel > > > replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, > > > I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. > > > Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and > > > unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall > > > so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in > > > the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. > > > I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what > > > they seem." > > > > > > Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things > > > don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, > > > you just need to trust that every outcome is always to > > > your advantage. You might not know it until some time > > > later. > > > > > > Think about this: > > > > > > Should you find it hard to get to sleep tonight; > > > Just remember the homeless family who has no bed to lie in. > > > > > > Should you find yourself stuck in traffic; don't despair. > > > There are people in this world for whom driving is an > > > unheard of privilege. > > > > > > Should you have a bad day at work; > > > Think of the man who has been out of work for the last three = months. > > > > > > Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; > > > Think of the person who has never known what it's like > > > to love and be loved in return. > > > > > > Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; > > > Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours > > > a day, seven days a week, for 15.00 to feed her family. > > > > > > Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from = assistance; > > > Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to > > > take that walk. > > > > > > Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; > > > Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair > > > to examine. > > > > > > Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life > > > all about, asking "what is my purpose"; > > > Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to > > > get the opportunity. > > > > > > Should you find yourself the victim of other people's > > > bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; > > > Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!! > > > > > > Should you decide to send this to a friend; > > > You might brighten someone's day!

To: barbara sperino who wrote (202)	6/12/1999 12:32:00 AM
From: ISOMAN	Respond to of 539

> RECEIVED FROM AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR: > > You know that book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus? > Well, here's a prime example of that. This assignment was actually > turned in by two of my English students: Rebecca (last name deleted) and > Gary (last name deleted) > First, the Assignment: English 44A SMU Creative Writing > Prof. Miller > In-class Assignment for Wednesday > > Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. > The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person > sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the > first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first > paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person > will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to > re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story > coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been > reached. > > And now, the Assignment as submitted by Rebecca & Gary: > ------------------------------------------------------------ > > At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The > chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, > now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, > that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, > keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if > she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So > chamomile was out of the question. > ------------------------------------------------------------ > Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack > squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think > about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie > with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris > to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar > orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could > sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and > blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct > hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. > ---------------------------------------------------------- > He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he > felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman > who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its > pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. > "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space > Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news > simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, > dreaming of her youth - when the days had passed unhurriedly and > carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from > her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. > "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered > wistfully. > ---------------------------------------------------------- > Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to > live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership > launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted > wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament > Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the > hostilealien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. > Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships > were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the > entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their > diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere > unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine > headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the > inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 > million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the > conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! > Let's blow'em out of the sky!" > ---------------------------------------------------------- > This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My > writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. > ---------------------------------------------------------- > Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts > at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. > ---------------------------------------------------------- > A*Hle. > ---------------------------------------------------------- > B**ch. > ---------------------------------------------------------- > > > >