Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karin who wrote (2208)	6/4/1999 2:08:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and found a beautiful, colorful parrot. "Does this parrot talk?" she asked. "Yes, he does," the manager told her. "But why is this one only $50 and all the others are $500?" she asked. "Well, ma'am," the manager told her, "not everyone would want to own this parrot. He spent many years in a whore house and his language is terrible." "Well, I want him," she said. "Suit yourself," the manager shrugged. When she got the parrot back to the White House, she uncovered his cage and admired the colorful bird. The parrot tilted his head to one side, looked her straight in the eye and said, "New house, new madam." Hillary laughed. Soon Chelsea and a friend came in and began admiring the bird. "New house, new whores," the parrot observed. At first they were offended, but when Hillary explained about the bird's history, they too, laughed at him. A few minutes later the President entered the living quarters. The parrot looked up from his feeder and said, "Hi Bill."

To: Karin who wrote (2208)	6/4/1999 2:10:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Do you realize 25% of all married men kiss their wife good-bye when they leave the house? Of these same men, 90% will kiss their house good-bye when their wife leaves!

To: Karin who wrote (2208)	6/5/1999 1:34:00 AM
From: Karin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

"Exciting Indian Ride" An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, " I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback........"

To: Karin who wrote (2208)	6/5/1999 1:37:00 AM
From: Karin	Respond to of 2733

The Stress Diet This is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. BREAKFAST: Grapefruit 1 Slice whole Wheat Toast 8 oz Skim Milk LUNCH: 4 oz Lean Broiled Chicken Breast 1 C Steamed Spinach 1 C Herb Tea 1 Oreo Cookie MID-AFTERNOON SNACK: The rest of Oreos in the package 2 Pts Rocky Road Ice Cream, Nuts, Cherries and Whipped Cream 1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce DINNER: 2 Loaves Garlic Bread 4 cans or 1 large pitcher of Coke 1 large Sausage, Mushroom and Cheese Pizza 3 Snicker bars LATE EVENING NEWS: Entire frozen Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer) RULES FOR THIS DIET: 1. If you eat something and no one see you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda. 3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do. 4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake. 5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. 6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots & Tootsie Rolls. 7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage. 8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. 9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach & Pistachio Ice Cream; Mushrooms & Mashed Potatoes. 10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color. 11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass. 12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!) REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.