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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Blue On Black who wrote (6790)	6/7/1999 12:54:00 AM
From: Druss	Respond to of 12754

Traveling the South--Uncle Remus revisited After a certain number of adventures at various airports Lee met me at Little Rock. Despite certain misgivings Lee is a wonderful host and promptly put a Mason jar full of a clear liquid in my hand. "You gots to try this shine, Druss," He said. "This is the good stuff, there is a lot of that bad shine out there, that stuff kin make you go blind or give you brain damage. I hates drinking that stuff. This shine is pure silk, it goes down like mother's milk, kicks like you swollered a grenade though." It went down as smooth as a red hot cockleburr. However the kick was as advertised so we had a pleasant trip to Lee's home. After waking up the next morning in the front yard (we didn't quite make it to the porch), we had a little hair of the dog and were feeling pretty good. A that point the Wolf looked out on us and said "You again? God! The things Lee drags in. Well what are the two of you going to do this time?" "We wuz goin to fish and git drunk." Lee replied. "Well, as long as you stay out of my hair. Neither of you are good for anything else anyway. Before you start go to town and get some salt for the hide from that bear I ran down yesterday." Lee showing some of the grit and spunk of the true Southern male looked at her and said "Yes Dear." As we started around the back to Lee's pickup another truck pulled up, the door opened and out stepped something with a dim appearance of a distant human ancestor. It stood about 6'10" and had more hair than any of Lee's hounds. "Lee, what is that?" "Aw Hell, thet's Jed Elkins. He is new in town. He was down at Jake's Bar last night and said he reckoned he could whip anything in the state. I tole him he had more than he could handle just waitin at my place. Ah think the idjit thought Ah wuz talkin about me." The thought that the thing I was looking at could talk was a remarkable one but sure enough Jed started doing so. "There you is Cooper. Lets settle this right now." "Sorry Jed," Lee replied, "I gots an errand to run fer my wife, maybe later." "Ha! So you is henpecked and yeller in the bargain. You ain't goin nowhere until this is settled." About that time the Wolf's voice came drifting out of the house. "Lee you go do that errand. You there on the lawn, you heard him. You can come back later and Lee can whip your tail then." "Woman," Jed said, "That man of yourn couldn't whip me on my worst day. I mean to fight him right now." At this point Lee grabbed my arm and said "He has done it now Druss. Lets get out of here." "What do you mean Lee?" "He disagreed with her." "Oh God!" Jed however wasn't done yet. "Now I mean to fight and right now. I is sick of dealing with this. Cooper git over here and fight and you bitch can..." As Lee and I ducked around the corner we heard a sound like a wildcat screech and then a despairing "Sweet Jesus!" from Jed. Mercifully the rest of the noise was muffled. After Lee and I got in the truck and peeled rubber for town I started wondering about Jed's ultimate fate. "Lee, is the Wolf going to...Well you know, kill him." "Aw naw, Druss, this is just his furst offense. I think he is goin to regret throwin in thet 'bitch' at the end there quite a bit though." "Well, what is she going to do to him?" "I cain't say as to the particulars, the Wolf is powerful creative in the details. Overall though I think she is goin to see if he really does feel he kin whip me on his worst day ever, cause she is a givin him that right now." "Could be a gruesome sight when we get back. No point in seeing it to my mind. Got any of that cheap shine around? Maybe we can just drink it until our eyes get blurry."