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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: KZAP who wrote (2217)	6/6/1999 6:19:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 2733

Q: What is a woman with sperm on her glasses most likely to say? : "I saw that one coming..." ------------------------------------------------- Q: What's a diaphragm? A: A trampoline for dickheads. ------------------------------------------------- Q: Why didn't Smokey the Bear's wife ever get pregnant? A: Every time she got hot, he threw dirt on her and hit her with a shovel. ------------------------------------------------- Q: How is a blowjob like a lobster? A: They're both very nice, but you don't get either at home. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What is forty foot long and has eight teeth? The front row at a Willie Nelson concert. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A guy was driving down the road in his car. A prostitute walks out in front of him. He smacks her with the bumper of his car and knocks her down. He immediately stops the car, jumps out and runs to the lady lying on her back on the road. She is groaning in pain. She mumbles "I think I'm blind." "I think I'm blind." Quickly the guy holds three of his fingers up in front of her and says, "How many fingers do I have up?" "Oh my God," she says. "I'm not paralyzed too, am I?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. What's worse than a male chauvinist pig ? A. A woman that won't do what she's told. Q. Why are hangovers better than women ? A. Hangovers go away. Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for ? A. It's Braille for "suck here". Q. Why do women have tits ? A. So men will talk to them. Q. What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild ?A. Money. Q. What do you call a Playboy center-fold who's a lesbian ? A. Bitch. Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb ? A. None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. Q. Why did God create lesbians? A. So feminists couldn't breed. Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf ? A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days. Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning ? A. They don't have balls to scratch .----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A lady went to the hospital to wait for her husband who had just had surgery. He was coming out of the anesthesia and she was patiently sitting at his bedside waiting for him. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful." Flattered, she continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You're cute." "What happened to 'beautiful'?" she asked him. He replied, "The drugs are wearing off."