Silicon Investor - FBN Associates - Year 2000/Y2K IPO!!!

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Took this from our corporate archives: [graphic]

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 4/1/2024 10:07:16 PM

Took this from our corporate archives:

[TEDennis] === HAPPY 26th ANNIVERSARY !!!! === Sure is a pretty day. TED

TEDennis — 4/1/2024 10:44:28 AM

[FBN MarCom] [graphic]

FBN MarCom — 2/12/2024 12:12:21 AM

[FBN MarCom] Breaking news: (link) Naps are good — and good for you! Those prone to napping...

FBN MarCom — 6/20/2023 6:11:29 PM

Breaking news: (link) Naps are good — and good for you!

Those prone to napping had brains that looked up to six years younger than everyone else.

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Please tell me you're not the one in charge of ordering food for our cafeteria. ...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 6/16/2023 11:52:06 AM

Please tell me you're not the one in charge of ordering food for our cafeteria.

- Jeff

[TEDennis] One order of Spare ribs to go !!! Gotta keep those extra ribs on handjust in ca...

TEDennis — 6/16/2023 11:47:49 AM

One order of Spare ribs to go !!!

Gotta keep those extra ribs on hand just in case somebody kneeds one.

Mentioning baby backs here might be considered insensitive, so I won't do it.

Riblets, perchance?

TED

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Don't forget to add some fava beans and nice Chianti. - Jeff

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 6/16/2023 9:57:03 AM

[EL KABONG!!!] Hmm... Can I get an order of ribs, please??? EK!!!

EL KABONG!!! — 6/16/2023 5:33:27 AM

[TEDennis] Selling body parts? Wow. What does he charge for index fingers? Does it really...

TEDennis — 6/15/2023 10:14:09 PM

Selling body parts?

Wow. What does he charge for index fingers?

Does it really make a difference? Index finger or pinkie finger?

As we all know, "parts is parts" (according to an old Wendy's advertisement).

Kudos and applause to the ring leaders.

Or ...

Give the guys a hand.

Well, heck.

Who cares, anyway?

Nobody.

Or ...

No Body.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[FBN MarCom] Defense attorneys are gonna charge this guy an arm and a leg. NYT gift article ...

FBN MarCom — 6/15/2023 8:25:46 PM

Defense attorneys are gonna charge this guy an arm and a leg.

NYT gift article for details:

[FBN MarCom] There's still a market for those legacy technologies. Grave charges, if true: [g...

FBN MarCom — 6/15/2023 7:54:33 PM

There's still a market for those legacy technologies. Grave charges, if true:

[TEDennis] === HAPPY 25th ANNIVERSARY !!!! Twenty Five years ago today, FBNA was launched ...

TEDennis — 4/1/2023 12:41:25 PM

=== HAPPY 25th ANNIVERSARY !!!!

Twenty Five years ago today, FBNA was launched with tremendous fanfare.

We told everybody back then that they would never lose a single dime of their net worth if they purchased FBNA shares.

And we were right.

Even so, there remain some disbelievers.

I shall reiterate (and I'll say it again) ...

Our investors have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

FBNA - Aggressively Impacting America's Productivity (tm)

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[TEDennis] Yes, I recall that campaign. It stopped the majority of stock brokers from buyi...

TEDennis — 12/26/2022 1:35:32 PM

Yes, I recall that campaign.

It stopped the majority of stock brokers from buying FBNA shares for their clients.

Not many geniuses in that profession.

One of those guys got really frustrated after not being able to get in on the ground floor. He complained to our legal department and anybody else who would listen.

He said he was "a friggin' broker" ... and then advised his clients to avoid our stock.

Well, we showed him !!!

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] I still remember one of our first marketing campaigns. Something along the lines...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 12/25/2022 2:35:44 PM

I still remember one of our first marketing campaigns. Something along the lines of "Only geniuses invest in FBNA" accompanied by "Only a genius can find the number zero in this pattern in less than 10 seconds: OOOOO0OOOOO." Not only do our shareholders have NOTHING to worry about, but neither do we.

- Jeff

[TEDennis] Ha! Clever I especially liked the cubed root of x cubed. It had no effect on ...

TEDennis — 12/25/2022 10:59:42 AM

Ha! Clever

I especially liked the cubed root of x cubed.

It had no effect on the problem at hand.

Similar to many of FBNA's solutions to world challenges.

Our shareholders STILL have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] [graphic] Merry Xmass - Jeff

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 12/24/2022 11:12:27 PM

Merry Xmass

- Jeff

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Our shareholders were calling me a MF-er well before I took that course. Yes, th...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 12/24/2022 3:01:50 PM

Our shareholders were calling me a MF-er well before I took that course. Yes, the only logical conclusion is that our shareholders are psychic!

- Jeff

[TEDennis] Ahhhh ... Now I get it !!! You attended a "Math as a Fine Art" (MFA) seminar. ...

TEDennis — 12/24/2022 12:56:23 PM

Ahhhh ... Now I get it !!!

You attended a "Math as a Fine Art" (MFA) seminar.

That explains why that guy at our Annual Shareholders Meeting called you a "MF-r".

It's such a great feeling to be recognized by our loyal shareholders, isn't it?

Sometimes guaranteeing FBNA shareholders' their future financial success can be stressful, but thankfully there are some rewarding moments.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] I used to be intimidated by those large math formulas as well. It wasn't until I...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 12/23/2022 11:02:23 PM

I used to be intimidated by those large math formulas as well. It wasn't until I attended a math seminar at a local art center called MFA (Math as a Fine Art) did I finally learn how to decipher them. Think of these complex formulas as the equivalent of poetry for scientists. That is, they are only intended to have meaning to the person who writes them; if people don't automatically get what you are trying to convey, it's pointless to try to explain. Only when you've filled your first blackboard with all sorts of random numbers and symbols do you really get to understand the beauty of math. These days, for some reason I'm really keen on tossing in Greek letters.

BTW, I often run across all sorts of cool looking formulas on the net. I love your Sharpie suggestion. Why not print out a few giants cardboard posters of the more famous ones, then go to town altering them with a Sharpie to make them my own? Fair use and all that, right?

- Jeff

[TEDennis] Good grief. I personally validated those calculations. I didn't find ANY problem...

TEDennis — 12/23/2022 8:40:34 PM

Good grief. I personally validated those calculations. I didn't find ANY problems.

Every time I multiplied the value by "1", I got the answer I was expecting.

It's probably just a huge misunderstanding.

Maybe they forgot to use FBNA's e-Algorithm. It *always* computes to the desired result. The whiz kids in Bismarck, SD did a terrific job on that project. It was heavy duty stuff. They tried to explain to me how they used a derivative of Pi as a base multiplier. Blew my mind. I finally gave up trying to read all the chicken scratches on the blackboard. The triple exclamation points after the "Q.E.D." at the end of the equation convinced me they knew what they were doing.

They even showed me how to prove that 0 = 1. Something to do with adding 1 to infinity ends up being infinity, which is the same result you get if you add 0 to infinity. Yep, it equals infinity. Which means that 0 and 1 have the same value. I'm still puzzled over that. I'm afraid that might make some of our top-secret bi-directional security code malfunction.

Well, whatever ...

Have the concerned members of the shareholder support group call Enrique at the front desk.

He can show them how to adjust the printed values with a Sharpie. That should satisfy their concerns.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Hey TED... just got a message from our shareholder support group preparing to se...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 12/23/2022 8:13:31 PM

Hey TED... just got a message from our shareholder support group preparing to send out our year end statements. Apparently our software must have a glitch because it won't properly valuate the FTT tokens we invested them in anywhere close to what we purchased them mid last year. Recall we got them into Bitcoin at the end of 2021, it inexplicably went the opposite direction of the moon, so we assured them they'd make it back 100x with FTT. I told them you'd handle it since I'm right in the middle of packing for Panama.

- Jeff

[TEDennis] Merry Christmas to all of our loyal (and filthy rich) FBNA shareholders. ******...

TEDennis — 12/23/2022 7:43:05 PM

Merry Christmas to all of our loyal (and filthy rich) FBNA shareholders.

**********

"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."
-- IRS

And, remember ...

Our shareholders have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[SI Ron (Crazy Music Man)] lol

SI Ron (Crazy Music Man) — 6/27/2022 8:23:14 AM

[TEDennis] That reminds me of the good ol' days at FBN when we all sat around the war room ...

TEDennis — 6/25/2022 11:33:00 PM

That reminds me of the good ol' days at FBN when we all sat around the war room table (aka: lunch room table) and discussed (aka: argued over) the various ways to ameliorate (aka: fix) the global Y2K crisis.

Some of the developers "quibbled" over basic manual processing approaches, seemingly just to get in their 2 cents worth. But, fixing the problem via manual procedures was just too time consuming and error prone.

Some developers suggested various automated "bit manipulation" techniques that would come close to solving the problem, but in the end, failed miserably.

We held those "conferences" weekly. Every Thursday.

It was the same every week.

Nothing but "quibbles and bits".

[-- If you've never had a dog, you might not pick up on that stupid joke. But, I don't want to explain it because that would disrupt the velvety smooth flow of this thread -- ]

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] A cat-astrophe for sure. - Jeff

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 6/25/2022 10:41:11 PM

[SI Ron (Crazy Music Man)] Bottom line MrB. They did get fed.

SI Ron (Crazy Music Man) — 6/24/2022 8:10:14 AM

[FBN MarCom] This may have been an option labeling mishap, though. Non-specificity can be unk...

FBN MarCom — 6/23/2022 8:06:34 PM

This may have been an option labeling mishap, though. Non-specificity can be unkind to expectations of organized user experience.

[FBN MarCom] ... just in time for holiday gift-giving: tees, hoodies, mugs ... why didn't we...

FBN MarCom — 12/20/2021 1:22:13 AM

... just in time for holiday gift-giving:

tees, hoodies, mugs ... why didn't we think of this (or, did we and my memory allocation is just too small)?
mainframestore.com

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Uh oh. The NY Times has figured out that birds aren't real. They are onto us: Me...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 12/11/2021 8:39:21 PM

Uh oh. The NY Times has figured out that birds aren't real. They are onto us: Message 33615905

- Jeff

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Remember Frank in the CyberTune division who bailed? Recall that was the USB thu...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 10/29/2021 2:05:48 PM

Remember Frank in the CyberTune division who bailed? Recall that was the USB thumb drive our Boca office was developing that made your CPU, your hard drive, and the net "up to" 100% faster? The one we originally were going to retail at just $25 (a month until you noticed the recurring charge and tried to call our 24/7 perpetual on-hold hotline)? Well, look where Frank ended up!

- Jeff

[Graystone] Succinctly or smiling ::= g+FBN= g+FBN ::= smiling | | LOL | :) ...

Graystone — 10/8/2021 9:51:23 AM

Succinctly
or
smiling ::= <g>

g+FBN=<g>
g+FBN ::= smiling | <smile> | LOL | :)

<Yoda Voice><ON>Feel Better Now?<OFF><Yoda Voice> ::= FBN
BNF

[TEDennis] Wow !! Thanks for the in depth clarification. Succinctly worded and concise. ...

TEDennis — 10/7/2021 1:41:02 PM

Wow !! Thanks for the in depth clarification. Succinctly worded and concise.

re: FBN became a powerful tool for modifying digital realities

Well, that explains a lot of the weird happenings at FBN HQ.

I wonder if there is a market for a digital realities to analog spirits converter?

Flexibility like that should come in handy around Halloween time.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[Graystone] Sure is a pretty day. or Pro propaganda precepts We all have tools at our dispo...

Graystone — 10/7/2021 12:31:35 PM

Sure is a pretty day.
or
Pro propaganda precepts

We all have tools at our disposal that penetrate the web.
The web is the source of all information and all disinformation.
The web is the source of all 1nput and 0utput.
Harry Potter's owl flew at night.
Calibration to our body can happen in the real but our digital self works differently.
SItizens need to be digitally calibrated, just as the real calibrates our body, the web calibrates our 1/0.
There are very few places where digital calibration can happen, few web forms are flexible enough.
That created the need for FBN, the ultimate "flexible bubble nebulizer"
"FBN"; What does it really mean? What is hidden in plain sight?
Fly by Night?
Flexible Buyer Network?
Financial Branch News?
Federal Bureau Notions?
Full Businesswire Node?
They are all good names.
All of these are false bogus names.
The powerful web forces driving the day to day work of FBN are embedded deeply in this land.
FBN is the working facet of a powerful sets of precepts about which most people know nothing.
There is a system for modifying digital realities.
Hiding this whole system in plain sight by just calling it a "plane site" was considered.
Ultimately a more theatric approach was adopted, a minor ordering change and the deed was done.
FBN became a powerful tool for modifying digital realities.
Here is what it FBN really means, along with the web link for digital calibration.

If I just told you it was the fun in Funafuti you wouldn't believe me.
That I mentioned Nauru earlier was just a teaser, a point for a digital harpoon.
Backus Naur Form
Almost everything we do is controlled by ancient forms embedded in deeply seated rules.
We didn't spring full blown out of nothingness, we were created in a series of discrete stages.
Modern humans took a long time to make, Facebook took just a few picoseconds of that time.
When we swam out of nowhere to begin berating each other here, we already were.
I know that sounds simple but it really isn't.
Many of us were born in the real world within a decade of the Backus Naur Form becoming an idea.
We hatched in water, soon to be, or newly flavoured with this powerful precept, BNF.
We are all, in some sense of the word, ALGOL 60 babies.
Some of us may not be of course because we need little bits of everything to stay flexible.
The timeless nature of standing waves makes them ideally suited for digital spaces.
And today the tool to modify the digital self and create your own Tuvalu is FBN.
FBN is a product of the Fortran Blockchain Nation.
The First Blockchain Network utilizing Full Businesswire Nodes.
Part of the Flexible Buyer Network regulated by the Federal Bureau of Notions.
You heard it here first on the Financial Branch News

[TEDennis] Deciding on a corporate name was a major challenge. We finally settled on "FBN"...

TEDennis — 10/6/2021 1:52:03 PM

Deciding on a corporate name was a major challenge.

We finally settled on "FBN" (Fly By Night) -- because it indicated we ran a 24 hour operation. Day and night.

Our management staff traveled to countries all around the world, traveling on night-time red-eye flights so daytime hours were available to give presentations to potential customers looking for solutions to their plethora of problems.

Typically, after viewing a presentation, they would enthusiastically purchase our products and the accompanying non-refundable service contracts.

There were many lively discussions with some of them soon after they got serviced.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[Graystone] <> or Which feds? ...

Graystone — 10/6/2021 11:18:14 AM

<<We will then be able to turn the bad guys over to the Feds.>>
or
Which feds?

This is a good line and we should use it more often.
I suggest that in this case we should turn the bad guys over to the feds on Tuvalu.

Did you know that the internet suffix dot.tv is Tuvalu?
People ask me what the letters FBN stand for and I have so many ready answers.
The best answer, the one word that leads them to the next is so simple; Funafuti.
Funafuti is a starting point for the curious.
The B has nothing to do with blockchains, nothing.
The N is not Nauru because FBN does not launder money.
Money is always dry cleaned and bagged, the B does not stand for bagmen either.
The N stands for nothing, that is obvious when you think about, how could it stand for something.

It doesn't.

The Funafuti Lagoon Hotel advertises it is just 50 meters from the airport.
Being about 150 feet from where the planes land is important.

[TEDennis] You blockchained your blockchains? Well, you sneaky little devils. That explai...

TEDennis — 10/5/2021 7:57:47 PM

You blockchained your blockchains?

Well, you sneaky little devils.

That explains an issue I encountered with the de-hashing algorithm I wrote during my top secret trek to Algiers (shhhh ... don't mention that in public).

My algorithm de-hashed darned near every transaction I tested it on, but in a few rare cases it returned what looked like a convoluted mess of seemingly random characters (SRCs).

Now that I know your clever little secret (blockchaining blockchains), I will add a new artificially intelligent sub-routine that will detect SRC results that are returned by my de-hashing algorithm. It will call itself (loop: see iterate), then continue doing so until the result no longer looks like SRCs. Add In Fin Item.

That way, no matter how many times you blockchain your blockchains, my algorithm will sooner or later de-hash them into human readable strings of transaction data. Then, anybody interested in scamming innocent, trusting suckers can steal their crypto-bux.

Of course,we will have tracked all those iterations so we can know who did it, and when. We will then be able to turn the bad guys over to the Feds.

FBN -- ensuring block chains are safe from corruption.

I don't want to have to write a whole new artificial intelligence library that can detect a need for the iteration routine. Maybe I could re-purpose the Visual Basic artificial intelligence code that was written several years ago back during that Micronesia incident.

Does anybody remember the access code to the FBN-SoftwareArchive? I can't read it on the sticky-note on my desk where I wrote it down. It got smeared during the recent Florida flooding.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Ah, so that's what you guys are doing over there. Recall I now head the "But It'...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 10/5/2021 5:17:10 PM

Ah, so that's what you guys are doing over there. Recall I now head the "But It's Crypto" division. We take these same mediocre products but add the words "But it's crypto" to them. You name it, we've blockchained it! Souvenir spoons? Yep. SF Giants "Anyone but the Dodgers" t-shirts? Yep. We've even blockchained our blockchains.

- Jeff

[SI Ron (Crazy Music Man)] Word on the street is Brad and Jeff do horrible laundry. Maybe they need to sti...

SI Ron (Crazy Music Man) — 10/5/2021 5:00:30 PM

Word on the street is Brad and Jeff do horrible laundry. Maybe they need to stick to making coffee cups.

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Hoatzin is one strange bird for sure. - Jeff

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 10/5/2021 4:55:53 PM

[SI Ron (Crazy Music Man)] That Hozan guy is good at telling stories, but I don't think he can be trusted. ...

SI Ron (Crazy Music Man) — 10/5/2021 2:41:52 PM

That Hozan guy is good at telling stories, but I don't think he can be trusted.

see
Message 11424339

[TEDennis] ... WAS ... ??? re: I still think FBN was the real deal What do you mean "WAS"...

TEDennis — 10/5/2021 2:06:01 PM

... WAS ... ???

re: I still think FBN was the real deal

What do you mean "WAS" ???

Obviously you haven't kept up with the many companies we have acquired over the years since we dominated the Y2K solutions market. Back then our products were automated. The only thing our customers had to do was execute the simplified installation procedures and then the products took care of the rest of the user's issues. All automated. No muss, no fuss.

Fully automated, of course.

We became known as the "do it 2 it" company (in honor of our y2k legacy).

But, our financial whiz kids figured out a better way to increase our bottom line profits.

Now we sell mediocre products at a "special discount", then charge outlandish fees for the services to make them work in a user's environment.

Our most recent acquisition was a startup interplanetary rocket firm, which we immediately renamed to "SpaceY" (again, in honor of our y2K legacy). "SpaceY" is the soon-to-be successor to "SpaceX".

All acquisitions were, of course, funded entirely in stock. The stock with the super-secret ticker that only certain corporate insiders knew about. Thus, existing shareholders benefited from our phenomenal growth, without the dilution of thousands of new stockholders wanting to get in on the action.

Those existing shareholders had ... ready?

... Absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

Sure is a pretty day.

TED

[SI Ron (Crazy Music Man)] I still think FBN was the real deal, the problem was they would never give the t...

SI Ron (Crazy Music Man) — 10/5/2021 12:02:50 PM

I still think FBN was the real deal, the problem was they would never give the ticker out. Mt Pink and Tony would have destroyed them if the did. If that makes any sense.

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Good point. I've ordered a new sign for the blue cable near the microwave in TED...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 10/5/2021 4:57:54 AM

Good point. I've ordered a new sign for the blue cable near the microwave in TED's office:

Tento kabel rovozuje celý internet. Neodpojujte jej!

- Jeff

[FBN MarCom] Scouting new Euro-HQ locations, the CEO office of TEDennis could be relocated to...

FBN MarCom — 10/5/2021 3:50:52 AM

Scouting new Euro-HQ locations, the CEO office of TEDennis could be relocated to Hotel Lippert on a temporary basis:

I sure hope the corp Travel & Entertainment budget covers this recon trip.

[FBN MarCom] "So she unplugged a router ... You know I'm on record as saying we need to bette...

FBN MarCom — 10/5/2021 3:37:20 AM

"So she unplugged a router ... You know I'm on record as saying we need to better label our stuff."

I actually just flew in from Prague, boy are my arms tired! (Well, starting in Prague, then Slovenia, later Croatia).

Your observation of current labeling is spot on! FBN Business Continuity Plan should probably use Czech only in regions where Slavic-based languages prevail, because our current signage lacks vowels in important syllables ...

[Jeffrey S. Mitchell] Well, all I know is that Mabel in Accounting decided she needed to plug her rech...

Jeffrey S. Mitchell — 10/4/2021 8:04:23 PM

Well, all I know is that Mabel in Accounting decided she needed to plug her recharger somewhere private where nobody could download the contents of her phone again for fun. So she unplugged a router over in Surveillance... and down went Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You know I'm on record as saying we need to better label our stuff.

- Jeff

[FBN MarCom] Maybe they need the last few remaining good COBOL gunslingers. Turning it off, t...

FBN MarCom — 10/4/2021 4:28:13 PM

Maybe they need the last few remaining good COBOL gunslingers. Turning it off, then turning it back on again has yielded no improvement. Note: the FB whistleblower was on 60 Minutes last night — coincidence?

“This is epic,” — Doug Madory, director of internet analysis for Kentik Inc.

Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram suffer worldwide outage : tinyurl.com

[FBN MarCom] "Heh, didn't Michal love food? I thought he cooked too" Yes he did. We cooked a...

FBN MarCom — 8/9/2021 11:22:44 PM

"Heh, didn't Michal love food? I thought he cooked too"

Yes he did. We cooked a bit when he and his then-GF, Keri Pickett, visited SF around 2004.

[TEDennis] FBN MarCom: re: leftover foodstuffs, such as sandwiches, which may have inadvert...

TEDennis — 8/9/2021 6:17:44 PM

FBN MarCom: re: leftover foodstuffs, such as sandwiches, which may have inadvertently created a rodent biohazard issue in our corporate offices.

"inadvertently" ???

Apparently you missed the memo instructing staff members to store their leftovers in open containers on their desks.

The rotting foodstuffs attracted the rodents, just as planned.

The night maintenance staff trapped the rodents, then put them and the leftovers into a mixer to create our first delectable entry in our new kitchen offering from the newly created "FBN-Culinary" product line. We called the new concoction "FBN-Spam".

It was quite clever how our marketing department added subtle advertisements into the ingredients listed on the FBN-Spam can. After people ate FBN-Spam, they immediately ran out to purchase more FBN-Culinary products. In particular, FBN-Pepto.

This was yet another fine example of the endless creativity of the geniuses behind our product line(s).

Jealous of our success with the product line, one of our competitors had the nerve to suggest there were bugs in FBN-Spam.

As I have said in the past, there have NEVER been ANY bugs found in ANY of our products.

Software, hardware, or foodware.

Hmmmpf !!

Sure is a pretty day,

TED

[SI Ron (Crazy Music Man)] Heh, didn't Michal love food? I thought he cooked too.

SI Ron (Crazy Music Man) — 8/9/2021 8:23:29 AM