yet another variation on the 2 cows joke...
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Capitalism
Some lessons on capitalism
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk
rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the
rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report
says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one
cow to buy new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce
the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create
clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break
for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and
learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows, open another bottle of
vodka, and instead decide to focus on how many apples you are holding in
your hands.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others
for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
reported the numbers.
A SINGAPORIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Your farm is expropriated by the government.
With the money, you lease Malaysian land from a banker in Jahore.
You hire some Thai labourers to build a new, modern dairy barn.
You buy another two dozen cows.
You hire a Singaporean foreman and a crew of Malays to run the
operation with quality controls to meet Singapore's food-handling specifications.
You can sell all the milk produced back into Singapore at a tidy profit.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them. |
