A small zoo in Arkansas obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. In a desperate hope to solve the problem, the Zoo Keeper approached a local redneck, Bobby Lee with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions.
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
And last, Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.”
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For almost a year I thought I was a man trapped inside a woman's body
Then I was born.
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I Was Sitting On A Train Next To A Hot Thai Girl
I Thought To Myself, 'Please don't get an erection, Please don't get an erection'. But She Did.
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It was 3rd grade show and tell in Ms.Johnson's class and she was going around asking all of the children what their fathers do for a living. Ms.Johnson walks up to the first kid and asks "What does your dad do for a living, Johnny?" to which he responds "He's a firefighter.”
"Very good, Johnny. What about you, Sally what does your father do?”
Sally perks up and says "My daddy is a doctor and saves a lot of lives!”
"That's great, Sally. Derrick, I see you over there. What does your dad do?" Derrick slowly lifts his head and he looks very sad.
"My dad passed away, Ms. Johnson." Feeling terrible Ms.Johnson asks "Oh I'm sorry. What did he do before he died?”
Derrick now on the verge of tears responds "He turned purple and shit on the rug.”
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My friend just drowned.
At the funeral, we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted.
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The hardest part about
going to Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting that you don't have a problem. |
