Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank--proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!
A group of chess players were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A string walked into a bar and asked for a drink. "Sorry," said the bartender. "We don't serve strings here." The string left and returned a while later, all twisted and bedraggled, and again asked for a drink. "I told you we don't serve strings here, and you're a string, aren't you?!" bellowed the bartender. "Nope," said the string. "I'm a frayed knot."
A man was fishing and accidentally dropped his wallet overboard. A large carp swam up, grabbed the wallet in its mouth, and soon started a game passing the wallet pack and forth with the other fish. The fisherman was amazed; you see, he had never before seen carp-to-carp walleting! |
