A college professor had just finished explaining an important research
project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute
requirement for passing his class, and that there is only two acceptable
excuses for being late.
Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's
immediate family. A smart ass student in the back of the classroom
waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion,
professor?"
As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the
students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.
"Well," he responded, "You'll just have to learn to write with your
other hand."
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Commanding officer: "Alright! How about an attitude check crew???"
Crew (In Unison): "I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"
CO: "Now, let's be more positive..."
Crew: "I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"
CO: "OK, How about a negative attitde check..."
Crew: "I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"
CO: "OK, How about a short attitude check ..?"
Crew: "FUCK THIS PLACE!"
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After the annual office Christmas party blowout, John woke up with a
pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events
of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make
his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise, " he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I
think?"
"Even worse," she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. "You made a
complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of
directors, and insulted the president of the company to his face."
"He's an asshole - piss on him."
"You did," Louise informed him. "And he fired you."
"Well fuck him," said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday." |
