>>
>>> The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man
>>>around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
>>> The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a
>>>glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more
>>>drop of juice out would win the money.
>>> Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.),
>>>but nobody could do it.
>>> One day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a
>>>polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the
>>>bet."
>>> After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a
>>>lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the
>>>rind to the little man.
>>> But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched
>>>his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
>>> As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the
>>>little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
>>>weight lifter, or what?"
>>> The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
>>>---------------------------------------------------------------
>>>A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and
>>>informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The
>>>son is just a head!
>>>But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love
>>>and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first
>>>drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud
>>>of him.
>>>Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar
>>>patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in
>>>disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso
>>>pops out!
>>>The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father,
>>>shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another
>>>drink!"
>>>The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pop
>>>out. The bar goes wild, but the bartender is clearly disapproving.
>>>The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons
>>>chant, "Take another drink!" The bartender ignores the whole affair.
>>>By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down,
>>>grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
>>>Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his
>>>knees and tearfully thanks God.
>>>The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to
>>>the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a
>>>truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The
>>>father moans in grief.
>>>The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a
>>>head." |
