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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: John Carragher who wrote (11863)10/5/1999 10:41:00 PM
From: HiGuy   of 62558
 
I'm not sure if this has been posted here before, but I thought this was pretty funny...

Two new additions to the periodic table of elements:

Element Name:
WOMAN

Symbol:
WO

Atomic Weight:
(don't even go there)

Physical properties:
Generally round in form. Boils at nothing
and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever
treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical properties:
Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses
strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum,
and precious stones. Volatile when left
alone. Able to absorb great amounts of
exotic food. Turns slightly green when
placed next to a shinier specimen.

Usage:
Highly ornamental. An extremely good
catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably
the most powerful income reducing agent
known.

Caution:
Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

___________________________________________________

Element Name:
MAN

Symbol:
XY

Atomic Weight:
(180 +/-50)

Physical properties:
Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.
Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging
samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily
as young samples.

Chemical properties:
Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can
get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself.
Becomes explosive when mixed with
KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage:
None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens
are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution:
In the absence of WO, this element rapidly
decomposes and begins to smell.
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