> Subject: THE BIBLE
>
> The following statements about the bible were written by children &
> have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left
> in):
>
> In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
> creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
>
> Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was
> called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to
> in pears.
>
> Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
>
> The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
> trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
>
> Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel
> like Delilah.
>
> Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
>
> Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
> bread which is bread without any ingredients.
>
> The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses
> went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
>
> The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
>
> The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
>
> Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
>
> Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
>
> The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
> stand still & he obeyed him.
>
> David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
>
> He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in
> Biblical times.
>
> Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
>
> When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
> Carta.
>
> When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found
> Jesus in the manager.
>
> Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St.
> John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
>
> Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others
> before they do one to you.
>
> He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
>
> It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead & managed to get the
> tombstone off the entrance.
>
> The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
>
> The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums
> was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
>
> St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony,
> which is another name for marriage.
>
> A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony. |
