Andy Borowitz
Schwarzenegger accused of groping for pronunciation
Manhandled English language, tearful dialogue coach says
newsandopinion.com | A dialogue coach who worked with Arnold Schwarzenegger on several films over the past two decades said today that the actor "habitually and wantonly" groped for pronunciation and manhandled the English language despite repeated requests by her that he stop.
Marci Koben, the dialogue coach who came forward today with the groping/manhandling accusations, tearfully detailed her experiences at a packed press conference in Burbank, California.
"I spent an entire day trying to teach him to pronounce the word 'accelerator,' but he just kept manhandling it," Ms. Koben said. "I told him to stop, but he wouldn't take no for an answer."
Ms. Koben said that she repeatedly complained to the producers about Mr. Schwarzenegger's penchant for groping for pronunciation, but they did nothing to stop him.
"They said, as long as the movies make money, who cares if no one can understand him," Ms. Koben said. "I had to suffer in silence."
The dialogue coach said that she quit after an afternoon alone with Mr. Schwarzenegger in which he repeatedly groped for the proper pronunciation of "detonator."
"It was humiliating," she said, weeping.
Mr. Schwarzenegger, attempting to neutralize yet another eleventh-hour bombshell, vowed today that if he is elected, his entire term in office would be close-captioned |
