UPGRADING TO HUSBAND 1.0)
Dear Tech Support:
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began making unexpected
changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe,
flower and jewelry applications that
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was
included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as
DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and
OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such-as PokerNight
1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and
ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably
crashes the system. Under no circumstances
will-it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running
Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this
all purpose-utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please?
Sincerely, Mrs. XXX
Dear Mrs. XXX:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to
a primary misconception. Many people
upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0
is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator
to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0. because
Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to
emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program
files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely
limited memory. Error messages are common,
and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their old time favorite applications, or to
get new applications to work, some women
have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women
end up with more problems than they
encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support. You will notice
that this program runs very poorly, and
comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and
just learn the quirks of this strange and
Illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership
Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband secretly installed by
the parent company as an integral part
of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems,
regardless of root cause. To activate this
great feature, enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
Husband 1.0 should then run the
applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP: Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create
additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately
may have to give a C:\I APOLOGIZE command before it will return to normal
operations. Overuse can also cause
Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 create FatBelly
files and Snoring Loudly .wav files that are
very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip.
Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all
GPFs, but because of this fine feature it
can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband
1.0 is a great program, but it does
have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and
Patience 10.1 Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep
Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will
find many valuable embedded features such
as: FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution: Do NOT, under any circumstance install MotherInLaw
1.0. This is not a supported
application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and
Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you
best of luck in coming years. |
