A couple of 'high-score' jokes taken from a joke site:-
Cruel Professor
An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class.
"There are two things you need in order to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear."
Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked his finger.
"Now you must do the same," he told the class.
After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed:
"Second," the professor continued,
"you must have an acute sense of observation.
For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus but
licked my index finger?"
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IRS
A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your worst clothing and an old pair of shoes. Let them think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice: "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and an expensive tie."
Confused, the man went to his minister, told him of the conflicting advice, and asked him what he should do.
"Let me tell you a story," replied the minister. "A woman about to be married asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. Her mother told her to wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck and wool socks. But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Her friend told her to wear her most sexy negligee with a V-neck right down to her navel.
The man protested, "But reverend, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"It doesn't matter what you wear; you're still going to get screwed." |
