D.S.G.:
This was found on the White House lawn:
THE EVANGELICAL MINISTRY OF GOD
1474 Mission Way, Ste C
Hermicles City, Ohio
President William J. Clinton
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Washington DC
Dear Mr President:
I am writing this letter to you at the behest of some of our mutual
friends. Through them, I know that you are a man of deep religious
conviction, and that your faith plays a major role in your life.
I run a ministry for the less fortunate in this locale. My flock
consists primarily of itinerate degenerates who have lost their way in
life, lost sight of God, and who are, for the most part, addicted to
alcohol, drugs, and the various activities often associated with their
low station in life.
For the last 15 years, we have considered ourselves lucky to have an
associate, Clyde Kingsly, who we could always rely upon for his silent
testimonials. You see, Clyde was a victim of Demon Rum, crack cocaine,
and promiscuous sexual behavior. His addictions caused him to be
quite deformed. The diseases he contracted over the years left him
with severe scarring and mucus drainage on his face, and the syphilis
left him quite demented. We would put Clyde on a stool on the stage
as an example to the entire congregation of what would happen if they
did not change their wicked, sinful, and evil ways. We trained Clyde
to drool, and to shout, "I WANT SEX!" at random points throughout the
delivery of my sermon.
Sadly, Mr President, last week poor Clyde died. Would you be
available to take his place?
Sincerely,
The Right Reverend George Townsend
Minister |
