The new priest was really nervous about giving homilies, so 1 day after mass he went 2 the monsignor and asked 4 his advice. The monsignor replied, "Whenever I'm nervous about speaking, I take a bottle of vodka with me and sip it occaisionally. It loosens me up."
The following Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice and talked up a storm. Upon returning 2 his room, he found the following list posted on his door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't chug it.
2. There R 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There R 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was Consecrated, not Constipated.
5. David slew Goliath; he did not beat the shit outta him.
6. We do not refer 2 the crucifix as the "Big T"
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit Rn't referred 2 as "Daddy, Junior, and Spook."
8. We don't refer 2 Jesus Christ as "The Late JC"
9. Jacob wagered his donkey; he didn't bet his ass.
10. Jesus said, "Take this bread and eat it; this is my body." He didn't say, "Eat me."
11. The Virgin Mary is not "Mary with a cherry."
12. Jacob was hit by a rock and fell off his donkey; he wasn't stoned off his ass.
13. There will B a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter's next week, NOT a Peter pulling contest at ST. Taffy's. |
