Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke Message Board

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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke

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To: BKS who started this subject	1/16/2002 3:37:50 PM
From: TimF	of 62566

Fun Quotes: The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. -- Jackie Gleason Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. -- Red Buttons A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. -- Fred Allen A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. -- Ronnie Corbett They think they can make fuel from horse manure. . . . Now, I don't know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to siphoning. -- Billie Holliday I date this girl for two years--and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name." -- Mike Binder I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people. -- Ed Bluestone Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. -- Steve Bluestone Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box. -- Wil Shriner Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron. -- George Carlin You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. -- Ellen 'Im a perv' DeGeneres I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. -- Carol Leifer I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. -- Sue Kolinsky The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. -- Roger Simon A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business. -- Shelley Berman You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax. Tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. -- Pearl Williams Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents. -- Billiam Coronel I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. -- Dave Edison Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches. I wish I could. It's like having a little pet for your face. -- Anita Wise I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. -- Rita Rudner I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" -- Jay Leno Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. -- Johnny Carson If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight. -- George Gobel netunlimited.net

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