1) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a
fire, including the name of their sponsor. Thus we'll never know for whom
the Tells bowled.
2) A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm
shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just
have to be a little patient."
3) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day
his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On
the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with
transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
4) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and
said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas ?"
5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It
turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their
compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather
than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who
has a Tates is lost!"
6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilet
seats. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to
go on."
7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
Leif off my census."
9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin. One slept on an
elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
10) By the way, I know the guy who wrote these 9 puns. He entered them and
one other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't lose. As they
were reading the list of winners he was really hoping one of his puns would
win, but unfortunately no pun in ten did. |
