A mobster had found the perfect person to keep his books: a deaf-mute
CPA. Whenever the mobster and the accountant needed to communicate,
the accountant's brother, who was one of the mobsters lawyers, would
use sign language an serve as an interpreter. One day the mobster
realized his books were short $3 million. He called in the two
brothers. Looking at the lawyer and pointing to the accountant, he
screamed, "You tell this son-of-a-b*tch I want to know where my money
is!" The brothers conversed briefly, and the lawyer reported that his
brother had no idea what the mobster was talking about. Furious, the
mobster put a gun to the accountant's head and screamed at the lawyer
brother, "Tell this bastard that he lets me know--right now-- where
the d*mn money is or I'll blow his brains out!" The lawyer told this
to his brother, who immediately explained--in frantic sign language--
that the money was hidden in a suitcase under his basement steps.
"Well? What'd he say?" yelled the mobster.
The lawyer shrugged, "he says you don't have the balls."
:o>
#2
Tricky Professors
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years
by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known
as "Bonkistry." He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past
him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were
these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all
of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the
final they had a solid A.
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the
weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday),
they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there.
So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers
and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to
Duke until early monday morning. Rather than taking the final then,
what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to
him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVa
for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that
they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and
couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to
campus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up
the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.
So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that
Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of
them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first
problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was
worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They
did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared,
however, for what they saw on the next page. It said:
(95 points) Which tire?
; o) |
