Pilot Humor:
Upon landing hard, the pilot gets on the PA system, "Sorry
folks for the hard landing. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't
the plane's fault. It was the asphalt."
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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had ham-
mered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a
policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while
the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying
XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a
hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that
someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
M'am, what is it?" "Did we land or were we shot down?"
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"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate
your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull
tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
public unsupervised.
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In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen
masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab
the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child
travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with
theirs. If you are travelling with two small children, decide
now which you love more.
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Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,
more than Southwest airlines."
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United Airlines FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all
now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From
all of us at United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with
us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead
bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during
our so called "touch down."
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About 5 or 6 years ago I was on an American Airlines flight
into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day.
I could tell during the final approach that the Captain was
really having to fight it, and after an extremely hard landing,
the Flight Attendant come on the PA and announces, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your
seats with your seatbelt fastened while the Captain taxies
what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
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Overheard by a guy giving rides: "Sorry about the rough landing,
but I'm practicing for a job at SAS. Next time I'll try to loose
your luggage."
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Student pilot to irate instructor: "Think about it. I navigated
through a boiling fluid swirling around a rotating sphere that is
hurtling around a fusion reaction source at thousands of miles
per hour. This system is moving in a circular motion around a
black hole at who knows what speed, while the space it takes
up is expanding. And I bounced 6 inches. 6 MEASLY INCHES!
Get off my freakin back, man!"
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What is the ideal cockpit crew? A pilot and a dog. The pilot
is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot
in case he tries to touch anything. |
