This doesn't appear to be the right forum for jokes, but what the hell...
Hope this has never been posted..
New Element Discovered At UofL President's Office
The heaviest element know to science was recently discovered by consultants to the Undergraduate Division of the School of Business Administration, in the Office of the President, UofL. The element, tentatively named ADMINISTRATIUM, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, ADMINISTRATIUM is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the consultants/discoverers, a minute amount of ADMINISTRATIUM caused one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than one second.
ADMINISTRATIUM has a normal half life of approximately 3 years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight actually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that ADMINISTRATIUM occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and with extreme concentrations at universities, and also can actually be found in the newest best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that ADMINISTRATIUM is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how ADMINISTRATIUM can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage but results to date are not promising. |
