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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: freelyhovering who wrote (5204)4/5/1998 1:31:00 PM
From: Bruce Hoyt  Read Replies (1) of 62566
 
YOU'RE A REDNECK IF....

Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your grandfather.

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.

Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got cought up your nose.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You can get dog hair from your belly button.

You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

Your family tree has no forks.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People"

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You got Clapper devices controling the appliances in your house.

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins,"For a good time time call..."

All of your four letter words are two syllables.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Your honeymoon was in Little Rock.

Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, Y'all watch this!".

You have the word "howdy" in your answering machine message.

You've painted a car with house paint.

You ever named a child after a dog.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
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