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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: David Lawrence who wrote (5684)6/2/1998 7:33:00 PM
From: Starfish*   of 62558
 
"The Admiral's Defense"

A Navy Admiral (*which Navy will go unspecified) was being
court-martialed for an incident where he was found to be
chasing a young lady through the hallways of the hotel in
which they were both staying. Neither of them were wearing
anything. One of the charges was that of "being out of uniform."

The Admiral's lawyer argued that the officer was not out of
uniform, as the regulations read: "A Naval officer must be at all
times appropriately attired for the activity in which he is engaged."

The Admiral was acquitted.

39 things you won't hear a redneck say;

>39. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
>38. Duct tape won't fix that.
>37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
>36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
>35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
>34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
>33. You can't feed that to the dog.
>32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
>31. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
>30. Wrasslin's fake.
>29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
>28. We're vegetarians.
>27. Do you think my hair is too big?
>26. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
>25. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
>24. Who's Richard Petty?
>23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
>22. Deer heads detract from the decor.
>21. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
>20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
>19. Trim the fat off that steak.
>18. Cappuccino tastes better that espresso.
>17. The tires on that truck are too big.
>16. I'll have the arugula and ridicchio salad.
>15. I've got it all on a floppy disk.
>14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
>13. Would you like you fish poached or broiled?
>12. My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
>11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
>10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
>9. Checkmate.
>8. She's too old to be wearing a bikini.
>7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
>6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
>5. I don't have a favorite college team.
>4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
>3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
>2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
>1. Elvis who?
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