A doctor on his rounds in a mental hospital sees a couple of patients
behaving rather strangely. The first man is sitting on the edge of his bed
clutching an imaginary steering wheel and making loud noises not unlike a
Kenworth...VRROOOOM,VRRROOOOMM,....SCREEEECH....... "What
are you doing?"enquires the doctor.
"Im taking this 18-wheeler down to Atlanta." replies the ex-trucker.
Somewhat taken aback but not to be put off the doctor moves on to the
Next bed where he can see some very energetic activity going on underneath the covers. On pulling them back he finds a man totally naked face down into
the mattress.
"And what are you doing?" asks the doctor, a little perplexed.
"Well",pants the man, "While he's in Atlanta I'm fucking his wife."
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Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says "Today we
are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody
have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, miss, me, me!"
Teacher says "All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-
syllable word?"
Little Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."
Teacher smiles and says "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says "No, miss, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm
talking about a wank."
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A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with
Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road.
The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must
stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.
The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away.
The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde
had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! "Great," he
told her, "I think you're really going to work out."
The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only
accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the
average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."
The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought,
"I need to talk to her before this gets any worse."
The boss pulled the new employee in and says, "You were doing so great.
The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you
only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure?
What's keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?"
The blonde replied "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away
from the bucket."
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An office manager has two workers, Jack and Jill, who work
hard at his office. Both are equally skilled, and unfortunately,
a day comes where he has to fire one of the employees. As
he's sitting there trying to decide, Jill gets up and gets an
aspirin for her headache.
The office manager sighs and approaches her.
"Look, Jill, I'm in a bit of a dilemma."
"What's the problem?" asked Jill.
"Well, I've either got to lay you or Jack off."
"Jack off, then, I've got a headache."
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