OY, LIST-EN...Actual(?) PERSONALS which appeared in Israeli papers:
* Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No personality.
* Are you the girl I spoke with at the kiddush after shul last week? You excused yourself to get more horseradish for your gefilte fish, but you never returned. How can I contact you again? (I was the one with the stain on my tie).
* Staunch Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male who will accept my
independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it.
* Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles,havdallah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker..
* Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.
* Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman.
* Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write.
* I've had it all: herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and four of the ten plagues, now ready to settle down. So where are all the nice Jewish men hiding?
* Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks,seeks mensch. No weirdos, please.
* Sincere rabbinical student, 27. Enjoys Yom Kippur, Tisha B'av, Taani
Esther, Tzom Gedaliah, Asarah B'Teves, Shiva Asar B'Tammuz. Seeks
companion for living life in the "fast" lane.
* I was reform as an embryo, conservative as a fetus, orthodox from birth. Seeking same.
* Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows?
* Your place or mine? Divorced man, 42 with fleishing dishes only. Seeking woman with nice michig set. Object macaroni.
* Matzo supplier, 53, seeks cloth bag manufacturer. Let's play "Hide the Afikomen."
* Shochet, 54, owns successful butcher shop. Doesn't believe women should
be treated like a piece of meat. Seeks glatt kosher maydl for marriage.
* Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.
* Jewish Princess, 28, seeks successful businessman of any major Jewish
denomination: hundreds, fifties, twenties.
* Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.
* Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shule with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important.
* I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please. |
