>If you're like me (and I know you are), you probably date quite a bit,
>>and also like me, you find blowing off a chick the most difficult part of
>>the dating process. After a second or perhaps third date that we know
>>didn't go at all well, the closest we ever come to telling a
>>chick it's over is to look her straight in the eye and say, "I'll call
>>you next week." Of course, we have no intention of calling her and we
>>may even feel a slight twinge of guilt.
>>
>> But I have discovered a great way to blow a chick off. It's
>>safe. It's affordable, and the best thing is the chick has no
>>opportunity to throw things at you. And it's at your fingertips right now.
>>
>>E-mail.
>>
>>That's how all the happening, 90's kind of guys are telling chicks
>>they're not worthy. You'll feel like a real man knowing you have told her
>how
>>you really feel from the safety of your keyboard. >
>>And you can delete her response without ever reading it. What could be
>>more painless?
>>
>> I have drafted the enclosed Email rejection letter and invite
>>you to use it the next time you need to put your main squeeze on
>>waivers.
>>
>> The text of the letter follows. Hope it comes in handy.
>> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear (her name),
>> I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from
>>further contention to become the
>>future Mrs. (your last name). As you are probably aware, the competition
>>was exceedingly tough this
>>year and dozens of well-qualified canditates such as yourself also
>>failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file
>>should an opening come available or I become extremely horny.
>>
>> So that you may find better success in your future romantic
>>endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were
>>disqualified from the competition:
>>
>> (Check those that apply)
>> ___ Your surprise at learning Paul McCartney was indeed in another
>> band prior to Wings revealed you do not meet my age
>> requirements.
>> ___ The fact that you attended the University of Miami and/or
>> root for the Miami Hurricanes demonstrated that you do not
>> meet my intelligence requirments.
>> ___ Your failure to reach for your purse even in a feigned
>> attempt to pay for dinner by the fourth date displayed a
>> stunning ignorance of basic economics.
>> ___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms and K-Y Jelly
>> by the truckload" indicates that you may be slightly
>> over-qualified for this position.
>> ___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
>> about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
>> ___ The only question you asked was how much money I make.
>> ___ You neglected to reach over and unlock my car door from the
>> inside after I opened the passenger side door for you.
>> ___ My breasts are bigger than yours.
>> ___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should,
>> however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches,
>> please resubmit your application.
>> ___ Your repeated comments such as, "Is it still called a penis
>> when it's this small?" were both uncalled for and thoughtless.
>> ___ The way you enthusiastically jumped up on the stage at the
>> alternative bar and danced with the lesbians demonstrated that
>> you are far too impressionable and have a disconcerting lack
>> of commitment to heterosexuality.
>> ___ Your revelation that you would most certainly allow your
>> ex-boyfriend to shack up with you again after he "beats that
>> domestic abuse rap" shows compassion but makes it difficult to
>> take you seriously.
>> ___ Although your inability to achieve orgasm was of paramount
>> importance to me, your suggestion that we invite the basketball
>> team into the bedroom during our sexual encounters so it would be
>> "just like" your college days seemed somewhat extreme and
>> inappropriate.
>> ___ As a practice I do not normally discriminate against single
>> mothers, and although I understand the youngster was named for
>> her father, I do not think "Sturgis, South Dakota" is an
>> appropriate name for a little girl.
>> ___ Your revelation that you, a 30-year-old, had dated your
>> previousboyfriend, an alcoholic, for 16 years raised some serious
>> questions about your mental state.
>> ___ I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time.
>
>
>Sincerely,
>
>(your name here)
>
> |
