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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread

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To: Jagfan who wrote (804)	2/13/2006 11:57:09 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	of 1755

I figured you would get it. <g> * Lerman's Law of Technology - Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary - You are never given enough time or money. * Murphy's First Law for Wives - If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an after thought, he will forget two of the first five. * Law of the Search - The first place to look for any thing is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary - It will not be the last place you expect to find it. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation - The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom - The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance - Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living - As soon as you're doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else. CAD's Corollary - As soon as you're doing who you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing someone else. * Weiner's Law of Libraries - There are no answers, only cross-references. * Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness - Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. * Kenny's Law of Auto Repair - The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location. * Second Law of Business Meetings - If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway. * The Grocery Bag Law - The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. * Yeager's Law - Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary - All breakdowns occur on the plumbers' day off. * Lampner's Law of Employment - When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. * Quile's Consultation Law - The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services. * Loftus's Law - Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book. * Troutman's Fifth Programming Postulate - If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it. * Lovka's Dilemma - You never get away, you only get someplace else.

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