> > You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
> > * Henny Youngman
> >
> > The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that
> > perhaps they're too old to do it.
> > * Ann Bancroft (married to Mel Brooks)
> >
> > Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners,"
> > is
> > talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
> > * Bill Cosby
> >
> > I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
> > They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
> > * Rita Rudner
> >
> > Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
> > * Benjamin Franklin
> >
> > My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
> > * Henny Youngman
> >
> > My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
> > * Rodney Dangerfield
> >
> > A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
> > * Milton Berle
> >
> > I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
> > * George Burns
> >
> > What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30
> > pounds.
> > * Cindy Garner
> >
> > Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
> > * Phyllis Diller
> >
> > The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
> > * Henny Youngman
> >
> > At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
> > your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am,
> > I
> > married the wrong man."
> >
> > After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
> > when
> > I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love
> > and
> > didn't notice."
> >
> > A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
> > received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
> > have
> > mine."
> >
> > When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
> > him
> > keep her.
> >
> > Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
> > marriage
> > is the triumph of hope over experience.
> >
> > I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> >
> > Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
> >
> > I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt
> > her.
> >
> > Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
> > thinking
> > they had no faults at all.
> >
> > My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two
> > girlfriends.
> >
> > A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact,
> > I
> > like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
> >
> > A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
> > because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
> >
> > The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
> > it
> > once.
> >
> > First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
> > Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
> >
> > Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
> > with a
> > bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful. |
