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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Goalie who wrote (10435)6/23/1999 2:45:00 PM
From: Elmer Flugum  Read Replies (2) of 62549
 
"What I've learned."

I've learned-that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk
them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned-that no matter how much I care, some people are just a**holes.

I've learned-that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not
proof, to destroy it.

I've learned-that it's not what you have in your life that counts but how
much you have in your bank accounts.

I've learned -- that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After
that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

I've learned-that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -- they are more
f**ked up than you think.

I've learned-that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

I've learned-that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at
first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its
place.

I've learned-that money is a great substitute for character.

I've learned-that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're
down will be the ones who do.

I've learned-that your family won't always be there for you. Of course, if
you win the lottery, the nag, the philanderer, the f**k-up, the missing one will be there for "you."

I've learned-that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their
dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

I've learned-that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will
eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

I've learned-that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a matter
of hours.

I've learned-that the people you care most about in life are taken from you
too soon. And all the less important ones just never go away.
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