MEN FIGHT BACK
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a
woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing
machine will never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the stove!
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up
pressure.
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Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and
you're Gonna want to shoot it.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
is yelling At the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let
him in.
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All wives are alike, but they have different faces so
you can tell them apart.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name
was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like
to interrupt her.
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What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her
intelligence? Divorced.
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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is
the same.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a
woman's sex drive by 90%... Wedding cake.
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Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding
ring, And suffering.
____________
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, “What's on
the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”
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In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God
created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since
then, neither God nor man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.
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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts
of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an ‘ad' in the classified: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing: “You can have mine.”
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
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First guy (proudly): “My wife's an angel!”
Second guy: “You're lucky, mine's still alive.”
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How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
through life thinking they had no faults at all.
____________
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real
Happiness was until I got married; and then it was too
late.”
____________
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it
cost
to get married?”
And the father replied, “I don't know son, I'm still
paying.
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