A woman who just got married ran into a friend on the street one day,
and the friend asked her how her marriage was going.
"Not good. He eats like a pig, he never takes a bath, and he leaves
his dirty clothes all over the house. He makes me so sick I can barely
eat."
"Well," says the friend, "why don't you leave him?"
"I will," says the first one. "But I want to lose another 12 pounds
first."
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This guy went to the doctor, he was concerned about his sexuality.
Patient: Dr. I'm worried, I think I may be gay.
Dr.: Well, take off your pants and we'll run a couple of tests.
The man does so and the Dr. grabs his penis,
Dr.: Say 55.
Patient: 55
The Dr. grabs his balls,
Dr.: Say 55.
Patient: 55.
Dr.: Now, turn around and bend over.
Patient does so, the Dr. puts his finger up his butt.
Dr.: Say 55.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Patient: 1.....
2.....
3.....
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A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother.
"Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place here boys put their penises?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "wont it knock my teeth out?"
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Q: How can you tell a woman with PMS from a woman without PMS?
A: Beats the hell out of me!
Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson's new religious TV series?
A: "Touched By An Uncle."
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A priest is out for a leisurely stroll when he passes two hookers standing on the street corner.
One of the hookers says, "Hey, Father, we'll give you some head for 50 bucks."
The priest doesn't know what "head" is, but he declines the offer anyway and continues walking.
When he arrives back at the church, he walks into the Mother Superior's office and asks,
"Mother Superior, what's head?"
She replies, "50 bucks, same as in town."
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"Is there a woman here in need of assistance ?" asked the medic from the ambulance as he knocked on the door.
"Yes." replied the man opening the door. "It's my wife. She has an electric vibrator lodged in her."
"Well, we'll have to transport her to the hospital." the medic replied. "Those things can be tricky to remove."
"Never mind." said the husband. "We have an HMO which doesn't allow Emergency
Room visits except for life threatening incidents. But for now, could you at least turn it off?
It's interfering with the TV." |
