Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."
Q. What did one gay sperm say to another?
A. How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q. What is the definition of eternity?
A. The amount of time that elapses between the time when you come and she leaves.
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In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor.
"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern. . . It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
"Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
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A member of the Democratic party, recently deceased, approached the Pearly Gates. After exchanging pleasantries with St. Peter, he is led into the receiving area and handed a clock which is not running. Confused, and noticing the countless other clocks on the walls, the man asked Peter what they meant. "There is one clock for each living person, and they represent the amount of time each person had left to live on earth. Since you're obviously here now, yours has stopped."
"Well, why is it that some clocks are running faster than others?"
Peter explained, "when someone tells a lie, the hands will move faster, thus shortening the lifespan of that person."
Curious, the deceased asked where Bill Clinton's clock was located.
"Oh," St. Peter said, "I keep that one in my office -- it makes a great ceiling fan!" |
