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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke
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To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (11444)9/7/1999 10:48:00 PM
From: Dalin  Read Replies (1) of 62551
 
DOCTORS NOTES ON PATIENTS CHARTS: (ACTUAL NOTES-UNEDITED!)

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day
it
disappeared
completely.

3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her
husband
states she was
very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began
seeing me in 1993.

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be
depressed.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally
alert but
forgetful.

8. The patient refused an autopsy.

9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another
hospital.

11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for
lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this
lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I
thought you might
like
to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent
home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of
her life, until
she
got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car
for physical
therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and
accommodation.

24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he
took a job as a
stockbroker instead.

27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the
floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who
felt
we should sit
on
the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other
abnormalities.
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